


No Church in the Wild

by EffortlesslyOpulent



Series: Love is Blindness [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Badass Lexa, Doctor Clarke, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Minor Character Death, Smut, Violence, fluff moments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-11-29 02:24:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11431194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EffortlesslyOpulent/pseuds/EffortlesslyOpulent
Summary: When Clarke and Lexa have their fairytale ending ripped from their grasp, they must return to D.C. What they believe to be a minor issue quickly spirals out of control, as they find themselves and their people hunted, tested, and ruthlessly murdered by people they once knew. Caught in a web of lies, extortion, betrayal, and sabotage, they are pressed to find their true selves. For better, or for worse.Sequel to "Love is Blindness (I Don't Want to See)" aka Clexa Gang AU





	1. It Begins

**Author's Note:**

> To everyone who read the original and decided to carry on with this one: Thank you! I hope I can make it worth your while. As always, I'll preface this by saying that it requires some additional suspension of disbelief to enjoy, but it's a pretty wild ride. 
> 
> This is for Jeane and Pao- their encouragement is the sole reason I found it in me to complete this story.

The raw sound of a fist colliding with flesh filled the room with a sickening reverberation, reminding Lexa that her love was _in danger._

For all the sound proofing she’d ensured was built in the home gym, where Lexa often trained, Clarke’s cry of agony was still loud and sharp to her ears.

Lexa almost mirrored Clarke whenever she recoiled with a sharp hiss in pain.

Still, Lexa’s forested gaze was set on Clarke and her assailant, her limbs weighed down as if made of lead, her mouth unapologetically shouting orders, as if Clarke could heed them.

She was being roughed up, there was no doubt about that.

But she had a chance, a tiny sliver of hope that presented itself in her assailants sloppy footwork, a slip in her posture, leaving her vulnerable for a counter blow.

Lexa practically danced on the tips of her toes, like Clarke was, fancy footwork and all.

“Left, Clarke!” Lexa roared hurriedly.

She could do it.

She was going for it.

Clarke winded her bruised body back for a final retaliatory blow, hoping she could finally emerge victorious.

But she wasn’t nearly as skilled in the art of taking lives as Anya.

Anya swept under Clarke’s unstable legs, causing her to topple over. Before she could even hit the mat floor, Anya had her in a choke hold, a dull blade pressing against the dip of her throat.

“Dead.” Anya murmured with satisfaction, dropping Clarke abruptly so that she hit the ground with a dull thud and a slap on the mat.

“Anya!” Lexa snapped fiercely, but Anya didn’t look the least bit apologetic.

“Your stance, Griffin. Loosen up, your weight distribution-”

“Fuck.” Clarke cut her off with a murmur as she clutched the bruise on her cheek.

Lexa was at her girlfriend’s side in a manner of seconds, inspecting her mild injuries.

Well, mild for an Anya caliber beatdown, nonetheless.

“Clarke.” Lexa murmured, her _Heda_ mask off, her eyes piercing Clarke’s.

“Hey, I’m fine.” Clarke croaked, but Lexa noticed the way she instantly curled into Lexa’s arms, like a wounded animal, comforted by her warmth.

“Dammit Anya, this is the last time I let you train her.” Lexa growled.

“She’s getting better.” Anya pointed out, taking a long swig from her bottle of water, over by the wall.

“You’re _beating_ her. I’m training her from now on.” Lexa snapped.

“You can’t put a dent in her.” Anya argued, in the way only Lexa’s second could.

“Hey, Lexa.” Clarke caressed Lexa’s cheek. “I’m fine. I asked for this, remember?”

“I can’t imagine why.” Lexa admitted ruefully, helping Clarke sit upright as she regained her composure. She didn’t let Clarke answer, instead softly brushing her nose against Clarke’s in silent consolation, their lips grazing ever so slightly.

Clarke’s lips pulled into a smile, her arms moving to circle Lexa’s neck, pulling her closer against Lexa’s body.

“Oh, god.” Anya muttered, throwing off her gloves.

Lexa was unfazed, as was Clarke, the two blissfully into their kiss.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Lexa whispered against Clarke’s lips, caressing her side, relaxing her from the high of her fight.

“I need to be able to do this.” Clarke insisted.

“We’re away from all that now.” Lexa reminded softly.

“Lexa, if someone were to-”

“I would protect you.” Lexa promised, feeling guilty for not having made Clarke feel safe in the first place.

Clarke smiled tiredly. “I want to protect _you_.”

“Clarke.” Lexa’s whisper was half-reproachful, half in awe of Clarke’s selflessness.

Clarke leaned against Lexa’s shoulder, sighing peacefully. Lexa dropped a soft kiss to her head, taking a moment to simply breathe Clarke in, to bask in her presence.

“I love you, Lex.” Clarke murmured, kissing Lexa’s shoulder. She was smiling as she spoke the statement.

“I love you more, Clarke.” Lexa’s answer was there without hesitation.

Lexa was never one to flaunt her affections, in fear of going against her own teachings of, “Love is weakness”. With the end of her regime (or, at least, her being in D.C in person), she learned to embrace a sort of calm domesticity that she would’ve made fun of, a year prior.

All for Dr. Clarke Griffin, currently sporting a number of bruises on her face, for _her._

Lexa licked her lips, trying to steady her heart as her mind flew to a particular ring sitting in the hallowed copy of _The Art of War,_ the old book sitting on the top shelf of their home library, just out of Clarke’s reach.

_Clarke had opened the book once, when it was whole, a determined look on her face. When Lexa had asked her why she wanted to read something so dull, she wore a determined look and replied, “I want to know your roots, Lexa.” As if Sun Tzu had been Lexa’s own father._

_Lexa hung up a conference call with Grounder Corp that night, just to go into the bedroom to find Clarke passed out on the bed, the book forgotten, an episode of Friends gracing the television._

_After that, Lexa determined that it was a safe location for her mother’s own engagement ring, and set out to hallow the book._

“We need to work on your ability to foresee your attacker’s moves.” Lexa informed Clarke, as she helped her rise. “You see Anya coming with an arm around you, and yet you try to dodge her. To what end, Clarke? Anya can put you down faster than you could think of a move. This can’t be remedied with a few months of practice, but you _are_ smarter than anyone I know. Incapacitate her _before_ you try to get away.”

Anya glanced back from where she was looking at her phone, her mind buried in her own thoughts. Clarke didn’t think she’d respond, until she did.

“We _more than_ need to work on Clarke’s skills.” Anya replied in her usual, dry tone. “She’s tripping over her own feet.”

“Hey!” Clarke fumed. “I wasn’t aware that _gangsters_ needed _finesse_ when they were busy _popping caps in each other’s ass-_ “

“Patience.” Lexa gritted to Anya.

“Death has no patience.” Anya reproached.

“ _Em pleni, Anya.”_ Lexa snapped. “You’ve been out of line.”

Anya seemed to suddenly remember her place within the hierarchy, and she looked even a little apologetic. “Sorry.” She mumbled. “I need to speak with Raven.”

Lexa cooled off, running a hand through her hair. “Go.” She nodded. “I’ll work with Clarke.”

Anya gave a single, curt nod, and turned out of the gym, likely going to grab a drink from the kitchen. It seemed that she and Raven were at odds, lately, and it had been impacting Anya’s ability to separate her personal issues from her work with Lexa.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa apologized with a sigh. “She’s not been herself, lately.”

“I said something too.” Clarke bit her lip, but Lexa didn’t look like she wanted to discuss it. “About the whole _gangster_ thing-“

“Clarke.” Lexa warned softly.

“We don’t have to talk about it.” Clarke nodded, trailing off.

“The move.” Lexa changed the subject. “May I show you?”

Clarke nodded, and Lexa stepped behind her, wrapping her arms around Clarke’s, keeping her arms pinned to her body.

Clarke’s body relaxed and melted into Lexa’s instantly, and she could feel Lexa laughing behind her, at the innocence.

“Clarke?” Lexa spoke, and she articulated Clarke’s name _deliciously,_ the way she always did.

“Hmm?” Clarke hummed.

“I’m your attacker. I’m _attacking_ you.” Lexa pointed out.

“And I’m _responding.”_ Clarke smirked, with a sharp backwards thrust to accentuate her words.

Lexa’s breath hitched. She responded by placing a kiss on Clarke’s neck, drawing a grin from her girlfriend.

“By _rubbing_ me?” Lexa purred.

“Hey, you’re the one who kissed my neck! As _any_ attacker would do, I’m sure.”

“Over my dead body.” Lexa’s jealous quip came rapidly, and Clarke couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips.

“Learn the move once. All I ask.” Lexa cleared her throat gently.

“Then you’re mine.”

“Then I am yours, Dr. Griffin.”

“Okay. What do I do?” Clarke queried.

“Loosen up. Don’t go rigid when you’re first grabbed. Go slack, then garner your energy towards throwing an elbow back, into the sternum of whoever it is trying to grab you. Alright?”

“Sure, sounds intuitive.”

“Good. Try it, then.”

“...What?” Clarke blinked, turning around to gaze into Lexa’s eyes with concern.

“Elbow me.” Lexa commanded with a smirk.

“No! God knows you’ve been bruised and battered enough for a lifetime.” Clarke whispered, caressing Lexa’s cheek.

Lexa wore a fleeting smile, genuine and vulnerable. Clarke nurtured the softer, humane side of her, in ways she thought impossible.

“Clarke.”

“Lexa.”

“You couldn’t strike me if you _tried.”_ Lexa smirked, her voice low, authoritative and sexy.

Clarke gasped in faux shock at Lexa’s playful taunting, reflexively bunching her hand into a fist, curling backwards as if in slow motion, her elbow striking out to hit Lexa while she was off guard.

Of course, she hit nothing.

And was promptly rewarded with the sound of Lexa’s laughter, Lexa’s arms sliding around her waist comfortably.

“I missed?” Clarke whined in disbelief.

“I’m not your enemy, Clarke. I can read you like a book. I like to think I know my love’s personality by now.” Lexa boasted.

“Your love. I like the sound of that.” Clarke mumbled, dropping everything to turn in Lexa’s arms, lacing her fingers together behind Lexa’s neck.

Lexa offered a gentle smile, as she leaned down to kiss Clarke tenderly.

Moving had been stressful, and difficult. Being away from her people, her company, her product...It made Lexa antsy. She felt as if she were a caged tiger, a wolf lead out of the forest and into domestication. Parts of her were feral, bloodthirsty and unforgiving.

But, god, everything was second to her love for Clarke, coupled with her desire to keep her safe.

 _This_ part of the domesticity? She adored.

Lexa was allowed to take a breather. She was allowed to shuck her Commander’s coat, and her life of discipline and pain for something beautiful. With Clarke, she was Lexa the young girl still in her twenties, falling hopelessly and madly in love. The same soul who cried when Clarke confessed her love for her and kissed her, changing the course of their lives forever.

Clarke allowed a beautiful duality to exist within Lexa, and it was _refreshing._

“Your mind is racing.” Clarke observed dutifully. “I don’t know whether to be flattered or offended.”

“I’m thinking of you.” Lexa rewarded her with a wry smile.

“Lexa.” Clarke rasped, her voice falling into a soft, raw tone. “You are an enigma, you know that?”

Lexa blinked, and it was an invitation for Clarke to continue.

“You’re always like that...racing. You heart, your mind...it’s just who you are. You work like that, you think like that, you love like that.” Clarke tucked a stray curl behind Lexa’s ear. “How do you keep yourself grounded, when you’re thinking about everything so deeply, and so often?”

Lexa took a breath. “It’s harder when there’s nothing to busy myself with.” She admitted.

Clarke glanced away for a moment, looking guilty. “This is because you’re away from them, isn’t it?”

Ah, the all consuming _them_. It was a part of their lives, their relationship, before they knew it.

Them. Lexa’s _people._

The ones risking life and limb for Lexa to sit on a gilded throne, made of bones and blood, and lives that were lost too early, some ruthlessly taken.

So, naturally, Lexa worried when she was away from them too long.

“Clarke, we don’t have to discuss-”

“We do.” Clarke put her foot down. “You aren’t the Commander, to me. You’re _Lexa._ Alexandria, if I’m feeling so inclined.”

At that, Lexa smiled a little, and Clarke grinned, stealing a kiss.

“Talk to me.” Clarke coaxed. “You’ve been restless since we moved, Lexa. And don’t worry, I know it’s not me, because you’re more than passionate-”

Lexa smirked and Clarke blushed.

“So, what-”

“Lexa.” Anya dipped her head in apology, stepping back into the room, interrupting Lexa’s conversation.

“What is it?” Lexa looked concerned, immediately able to read her second’s gaze with a look of her own.

“It’s...Raven.” Anya sighed, and her body language indicated to Clarke that she was looking for help from Clarke as much as she was looking for help from Lexa.

After all, up until the end of Bellamy’s reign, Raven was Clarke’s friend.

Now?

Things were more confusing.

Clarke hadn’t predicted everything to fall apart the way that it had. She supposed that she assumed, after Bellamy’s death, that everyone would fall back into place.

She hadn’t accounted for the way grief seemed to dig it’s thick, jagged claws into people, the way it tore people up, made them empty shells of the people they used to be.

Raven had hurt more than anyone really could, in one lifetime.

“She’s not adjusting?” Lexa questioned softly, sympathetically, her hand slipping to the small of Clarke’s back.

“ _Adjusting_ would be a blessing. She’s barely even coping.” Anya murmured, and Clarke’s heart broke, because she could see the love in Anya’s gaze, hidden by her worry.

Lexa ran a hand through her hair, nodding once. “Okay.” She murmured. “Why don’t we talk about this over a few drinks?”

Clarke felt the need to give them a moment. “I can get the scotch from-”

“No.” Lexa tsked softly, shaking her head. “You can shower. I’ll clean up and get Anya a drink.”

“Are you sure?” Clarke questioned.

It was so like Lexa to keep Clarke from lifting a finger.

Lexa nodded, pressing a kiss to Clarke’s forehead, sighing softly, almost imperceptibly as she did so.

Clarke knew better than to argue. She gave Lexa a small smile and slipped past them, ready to hear the news from Lexa herself later that evening.

* * *

Clarke had just changed into her evening wear (which was actually just Lexa’s old USMC shirt and lacy panties), and was toweling off her damp locks as Lexa padded into the master bedroom.

If it hadn’t been for Fish’s excited whine at seeing Clarke, she wouldn’t have heard her girlfriend’s arrival at all.

Lexa leaned against the doorframe, watching as Clarke grinned at Fish, bending over to give him a kiss.

“Hi baby.” Clarke cooed, scratching his ears. “I can feel you staring.” She offered to Lexa amusedly.

“You’re beautiful.” Lexa whispered, taking a step forward, unfolding her arms.

Clarke blushed, shaking her head, as if to disagree.

“I took extra long in the shower. I didn’t want to intrude.” Clarke offered gently, watching Fish pad over to his extra large bed, happy to finally be resting after his four mile run with Lexa, around the lake.

“Clarke.” Lexa sounded the ‘k’ and it was music to Clarke’s ears. “This is your home, and it’s _me._ You can never intrude.”

Clarke gave her a wistful smile. “Well, maybe I’m just adjusting from being your employee and tiptoeing around you.”

Lexa watched as Clarke stretched, exposing the milky expanse of her stomach before leaning back down and laying on their bed with a satisfied murmur of approval. She eyed Lexa, who moved to strip her own shirt, causing Clarke to swoon just a bit.

“Come here.” Clarke commanded gently, and Lexa was a servant to her whim. She approached, and was tugged down by Clarke, pulled in for a kiss that she couldn’t quite pull away from. “You taste like scotch.” Clarke hummed in approval, wrapping her legs around Lexa, as Lexa set her arms on either side of Clarke to stay steady above her.

“My father always used to say…” Lexa panted between kisses. “Sorrows pair well with scotch.”

Clarke frowned softly, pausing mid kiss. She leaned back, and Lexa retracted, moving to change into her evening gown.

“I take it you and Anya weren’t talking casual sports.” Clarke sighed, sitting up, eyes watching Lexa as her eyes raked toned abs and endless muscle.

“Unfortunately not.” Lexa replied, disappearing into the bathroom.

Clarke sighed, leaning back onto the pillows, glancing at Fish. He cocked his ears in curiosity at her heavy gaze, and she didn’t have the heart to keep him in the dark. While Lexa brushed and rinse, she used the cover of the faucet to empty out her sorrows to the one soul that couldn’t judge her.

“It’s not working.” She whispered sorrowfully.

Fish cocked his head to the side, and Clarke smiled a melancholic smile.

“I thought that...if we left, we’d be safe. I thought it would work out. But...Lexa’s unhappy, Anya is _dying_ to hit something, Raven is apparently depressed and withdrawing and….”

“And you haven’t heard from Octavia, still?” Lexa pressed softly as she re-entered the room.

Clarke let out a breath. It was _so_ like Lexa to be perfectly attentive.

“You heard?” She groaned. “And no, for the record. AWOL, she and Lincoln, for almost a month now.”

“That’s...troublesome.” Lexa mumbled, deep in thought.

“Maybe they’re just on vacation?” Clarke suggested. “People need to get away from it all, Lexa.”

“But the point is, _vacations end,_ Clarke.” Lexa took a moment, and then came around the bed, meticulously arranging the objects on her nightstand, like she did every night.

Clarke knew her pistol was taped to the underside of the first drawer. She couldn’t convince Lexa to get rid of it, it seemed.

“Is that what you think?” Lexa asked softly, after a moment’s breath.

“What?”

“You think I’m unhappy?” Lexa whispered.

“I know you are.” Clarke sighed. “And...I know it’s my fault, for weighing you down.”

Lexa’s eyes widened. “Clarke.” She leaned forward onto the bed, on her knees, and Clarke rose to mirror her.

“You are my _everything.”_ Lexa’s devout words never failed to cause Clarke’s heart to flutter madly. She lost herself, for a moment, in Lexa’s virid gaze, in the sweep of her long lashes, in the slight pout of her lips. “I _refuse_ to lose you. _You_ didn’t bring us out here, Clarke. I did. I did it to give you a life that you deserve. Away from the bloodshed, and the corruption, and the lies.”

Clarke nodded, cupping Lexa’s cheek. Lexa exhaled, pressing her cheek into Clarke’s hand appreciatively.

“Lexa, I _know_ you.” Clarke told her with a soft but convincing tone, leaving no room for argument. “I know you better than anyone. You’re my best friend. I need you to know that...whatever you feel like you _have_ to do, whatever you feel you owe to _your people_ because of that….stupid, wonderful sense of duty of yours…” She trailed off. “I need you to know that I can, and will, be there, Lexa. For you. _I_ can adjust. I can learn to….to lead, to lay low, whatever you need from me. I need to see that you’re okay.”

Lexa’s eyes watered, and before Clarke knew it, hers began to as well.

“Clarke. Being with you makes me happy. Your safety makes me happy. This is all I need.” Lexa assured her with a smile, Clarke pressing a kiss to her jaw.

“Okay.” Clarke whispered, and though she knew it wasn’t the end of it, she was too exhausted for the time being,

They moved to lay down, and Lexa opened her arms for Clarke to curl into them tightly, pressing herself against Lexa as they settled in for the night.

“Clarke?” Lexa whispered softly.

“Hmm?” Clarke hummed from where she was pressed into the crook of Lexa’s neck.

“You worry about me, and Raven, and Octavia, and Lincoln, and Anya. You forgave us,  you forgave what we did, you love us.” Lexa listed tediously. “But what about you?”

“What about me?” Clarke deflected. She knew what was coming.

Lexa was enquiring about Clarke’s moral dilemma.

She’d _killed._

 _Blood_ was on her hands.

She’d broken her oath as a doctor.

She’d killed someone who was like a brother to her, and she pretended as if she didn’t wake up with nightmares every now and again, crying into the crook of Lexa’s neck, wishing she’d never fallen asleep in the first place.

“Do you forgive yourself?” Lexa whispered, stroking Clarke’s hair.

“No.”

“Clarke-”

“I _can’t_ forgive myself, Lexa. Because...for you, I would kill him over and over again.”

Clarke slept well that night.

* * *

Raven wasn’t even close to being in bed when Anya arrived at the apartment they shared, after her training with Clarke, and her talk with Lexa.

Instead, she was sitting at the counter, a bottle of whiskey sitting where she rested her elbow- (of far lower quality than Lexa’s choice of scotch).

Her hair was mussed, her eyes tired, her laptop screen flickering in its sleep state, clearly unused for some time.

Anya hung her coat on the peg by the wall, switching on the lights, hearing Raven’s groan of protest before dimming them considerably. It almost would’ve been lounge worthy, romantic, if Raven hadn’t been drunk on misery, and Anya on her worry.

“I didn’t hear you come in.” Raven rasped.

“Yes, you did.” Anya’s reply was knowing as she moved into the kitchen area, grabbing a glass from the cupboard.

“...I think there’s enough left for the both of us.” Raven mumbled, her voice thick with exhaustion.

Not the physical kind, rather, the mental kind.

And really, Anya knew, it was worse. There was nothing quite like being stuck in that depressive sort of purgatory between sunset and sunrise, where everything was in question, and nothing was solid. She knew the mind’s tendencies to question everything- past choices, memories, responsibilities, whether the sun would even come up the following morning.

But she also knew Raven Reyes was a fighter.

And she damn well hoped to inspire her, if not help her stand on her own two feet.

“I don’t want your cheap shit.” Anya cracked, drawing the tiniest hint of a smile from the corner of Raven’s lips.

Raven never really grinned, per se, her cheekiness had been reduced to a shell of its previous self, as of late. But she did a little half smile with the corner of her lips, painted a faded red, and Anya thought it was beautiful.

“Yeah? You can afford better?” Raven jabbed.

Anya took her bottle of whiskey, and in one movement, emptied it down the drain, causing Raven to shoot up from her seat in shock, snapping out of her melancholic state.

“What the fuck, An?” Raven groaned.

“If you’re going to drink yourself into a stupor, at least do it properly.” Anya sniffed.

“You Grounders are so fucking spoiled, huh?” Raven licked her lips.

“We have taste buds.” Anya replied wryly, as she closed the distance between them. “And standards.”

“If you had standards, you probably wouldn’t be dating me.” Raven quipped in a whisper as she leaned forward to kiss Anya, after staring at her lips for a solid ten seconds.

Raven paused, breaking off the kiss. She cocked a brow, and Anya was attentive as ever.

“You’ve been in _Heda’s_ liquor cabinet.” Raven announced with an unreadable tone.

“You’ve come to this conclusion _because_ ?” Anya played her game easily.

“You _taste_ like _blue label._ Only _Heda_ can afford dropping that much on booze.”

Anya rolled her eyes. “You’re full of shit, Reyes. It was Macallan, twenty five, by the way.”

“Well.” Raven let out a low whistle. “At least _someone_ is adjusting.”

“We have to talk about that.” Anya warned, voice uncharacteristically soft.

“What?” Raven shrugged it off, as if she weren’t in a very low point.

“You’re slipping, Reyes.”

“Yeah? You don’t think I just... _am_ this way?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Well, what _possibly_ could be the matter with me?” Raven held her chin between her thumb and forefinger, as if in deep thought. “Could it be that my purpose is...destructive?”

“You never had qualms with taking lives before-”

“Before I helped kill my best friend’s brother? One of my closest friends?” Raven wore a smile and it was so fake and frankly _bone chilling_ that anyone other than Anya might have made a break for it. “Or, maybe it was my leg. Did you know it used to _work?_ I could _feel_ things, Anya. Things other than pain.”

Anya nodded, biting her lip. Raven was purging, this was good. She needed it.

“And now, what?” Raven’s volume rose slightly. “We fucking play house? We pretend we belong in civilized society?”

“Raven-”

“I work at _fucking_ auto shop, Anya. Every day, I’m reminded that I’m going nowhere. I wonder where the fuck we’d be right now, if Bellamy hadn’t bit the dust, and if Clarke hadn’t fallen head over heels for Lexa fucking Woods, and-”

“How is this any worse than pushing drugs and slitting throats, Reyes? Does stability bother you? Does safety bother you?” Anya pushed.

“Yes!” Raven all but roared. “Yes! It fucking bothers me. We don’t….I don’t…” Raven was winded, as if someone had socked her in the stomach. She heaved for breath. “I don’t deserve this. It doesn’t feel _over._ It feels like purgatory, and everyone is moving on, and whenever I close my eyes, he’s there. They’re there.”

“Who?”

“Finn. Bellamy. My parents. Everyone I ever let down...I let them slip through my fingers. And yeah, back in D.C, things were different. I knew where I stood. I knew I was one of the Blakes. I knew that I was so busy and willing to do whatever the fuck it took to be a part of that fucked up family, that I didn’t even feel guilt. My leg was numb, but so was my mind. Here….you _feel_ things.”

“I thought you said you couldn’t feel.” Anya whispered.

“I don’t even know.” Raven fell back onto the couch in desperation.

Anya watched for a moment, moving to sit beside her. Slowly, she lifted Raven’s legs onto her lap, rolling her pants up to Raven’s knee, so she could get a look at the brace that dug into Raven’s leg, with its vice-like grip. Raven didn’t always need the brace, not since after her surgery. She wore it, sometimes, as advised, to support her leg. Anya noticed that it pained her, and she was extra irritable on the days she wore it.

Wordlessly, Anya watched as Raven cried softly. Anya moved deft fingers, undoing the brace, noting the soft gasp parting from Raven’s lips as she set it aside, her fingers wrapping around Raven’s leg, slowly rubbing, kneading, working away clusters of pain and trauma.

Raven watched, seemingly spellbound as Anya _kissed_ her leg, inching up. Raven could feel the warmth radiating from her hands, from her body, from her kisses themselves.

Raven calmed almost instantly, and Anya shuffled to pull an arm around her, holding her close. Raven leaned her head against her girlfriend’s, and their breathing evened out to a slow and steady pull, like a tide coming in and out, again and again.

“ _This_ is stability, Raven. Don’t be afraid.”

* * *

 

“ _Fuck,_ Lexa.” Clarke panted as Lexa’s long fingers pumped in and out of her, Lexa’s slick wet body grinding against her from behind, the two molded to each other under the hot steam of the shower.

Lexa was busy marking Clarke’s neck with her lips, humming in delight whenever Clarke clenched around her fingers.

“Lex. _Please_ .” Clarke begged her to add another finger, to stop teasing, to do _anything._

Lexa chuckled, and the noise sent shivers down Clarke’s spine. This was _torture._ She could feel Lexa’s washboard abs _dragging_ against her backside. Lexa’s other arm, the one _not_ currently pleasuring her, was wrapped around Clarke, pulling her against Lexa.

It wasn’t even _supposed_ to be shower sex.

Clarke had gotten in to get ready before her shift at the hospital, and she hadn’t heard Lexa slip in behind her. All she felt was a slight cold draft, and suddenly, two very familiar arms snaking around her waist.

And then, understandably, it wasn’t long before Clarke was whimpering and Lexa was fondling her breasts and letting out low growls that made Clarke absolutely _drip._

But if Clarke had a nickel for every time she’d set out to do something, and then it turned into sex with her insanely attractive girlfriend- she would’ve amassed Lexa’s fortune, and then some.

Lexa pulled her fingers out with a smirk, and Clarke whipped around, nearly slipping and slamming her head on the glass door, if it weren’t for Lexa’s protective grasp.

“Easy, Griffin.” Lexa’s smirk only grew.

“Lexa.” Clarke growled. “Finish what you started, dammit.”

Lexa smiled, and Clarke forgot all about her sexual frustration for a split second.

God, she _lived_ for that carefree, happy smile. It was rare, with Lexa being...Lexa, but it was worth it.

“I love you.” Lexa murmured, brushing Clarke’s wet locks aside to kiss her, pressing Clarke back against the shower wall as she deepened the kiss, nipping at Clarke’s lower lip with a little noise.

“I-” Clarke gasped when Lexa detached, moving to pepper kisses down her jaw. “Love you, too.”

Lexa smiled as she kissed every inch of Clarke’s exposed flesh, breathing deeply to take in the scent of her soap. Lexa’s lips kissed down the valley of Clarke’s breasts, pausing to kiss and tease each pert nipple, relishing in Clarke’s resounding moan of pleasure.

Clarke couldn’t help but love the way Lexa worshiped her body.

“Lex.” Clarke begged. “ _Please.”_

At the sound of her nickname that only Clarke used, combined with Clarke’s pout, Lexa was a goner. “Anything you want.” She murmured reverently, sinking to her knees, staring at Clarke with dark, lustful emerald eyes.

“Kiss me.” Clarke was high off her power trip, burying her fingers in Lexa’s wet hair, pushing Lexa’s face against her dripping wet folds, nearly sliding back in pleasure when Lexa obeyed and kissed her, taking extra care to tease with her tongue, lapping away loudly and pleasurably.

Clarke could barely stand at the sight of her girlfriend, _Commander Alexandria Woods_ , on her knees, pleasuring Clarke just because she wanted it.

Times like these reminded Clarke that _maybe_ the universe was rewarding her.

“I love the way you taste,” Lexa mumbled, sucking a bruising kiss on the inside of Clarke’s left thigh.

Clarke groaned in response, scratching softly at Lexa’s scalp. _And I love your tongue._

“Lean against the wall.” Lexa cautioned, barely lifting her lips from Clarke’s skin. It tickled Clarke and she found herself trying not to squirm.

Clarke’s final tug was all Lexa needed to start. She teased Clarke with one broad swipe of her tongue before circling Clarke’s entrance again with the tip of her fingers, rewarded with a fresh wave of arousal from Clarke.

“Lexa, if you don’t-FUCK. _”_ Clarke cut herself off, because Lexa smirked against her dripping folds and slipped two fingers in, working her back up again. She locked eyes with Clarke, hers practically twinkling and dancing with mischief as she teased the edge of Clarke’s clit with her tongue, never quite touching it.

Lexa _loved_ watching Clarke get all worked up. The water was pouring on them, hot and steamy, soaking Clarke’s immaculately curvaceous figure. Clarke had her head thrown back in pleasure, her hickey-laden neck exposed. Her hand that wasn’t buried in Lexa’s hair was somewhere between clutching her heart or her breast, Lexa wasn’t entirely sure.

Tremors ran through Clarke’s body and Lexa was relishing in her increasing volume, filthy moans filling their bathroom.

When Lexa let out what could only be described as a purr of satisfaction, vibrating against Clarke’s core, Clarke nearly caved.

It was something about the breathy, “ _yes, Lexa, fuck me”_ and the “ _oh, shit, you’re so good at that”_ that captivated Lexa. She slid in her third finger with newfound determination, moving to draw Clarke’s clit between her lips, intent on letting Clarke know she wasn’t teasing anymore.

Clarke’s crescendo was the opposite of her build up- it was silent, at first, as she suddenly went rigid, clenching down around Lexa’s fingers, tight like a vice.

Lexa watched, releasing Clarke’s clit with a soft pop before taking a final broad stroke with her tongue, her fingers slowly returning to pumping in and out of Clarke.

“Fuck! Lexa,” Clarke writhed, bucking her hips, rolling into Lexa’s fingers, pulling her hair almost to the point of pain. “Fuck. I love you, I love you.” She moaned and whined, returning back to full volume. She slammed her eyes shut and stars swam in her vision, her entire body ablaze with white hot pleasure. Lexa was smirking against her, kissing the expanse of her thighs, keeping her pace.

Clarke was _still_ quivering against Lexa and honestly, it had to have been some kind of new record. “Here.” Clarke whispered above the shower and somehow, Lexa heard.

She rose, kissing up Clarke’s slick body until she could wrap her arms around Clarke, stroking her back soothingly, leaning forward for a well deserved kiss.

“You are something else.” Clarke mumbled blissfully, relishing the feeling of security she always felt in Lexa’s arms.

“I aim to please.” Lexa chuckled, kissing Clarke’s head as she shut the water off.

“I don’t think I can walk.” Clarke sighed. “I don’t think I want to.”

Lexa smiled her rare and beautiful smile, and Clarke’s insides melted just a little more. “That can be arranged.” She offered, reaching for the towel she’d slung over the shower wall. She draped it around Clarke, taking great pleasure in toweling her off, running her hands down Clarke’s numb body.

“Thank you.” Clarke murmured sincerely, and Lexa kissed her exposed shoulder in response.

“Least I could do, considering I hijacked your shower, Dr. Griffin.” Lexa replied cockily, and it took every ounce of Clarke’s willpower not to notice how glorious Lexa’s faux formal business voice was.

Lexa barely brushed the towel against herself before Clarke was taking her hand, leading her out of the shower. Lexa followed, absolutely entranced, as Clarke led her to the bed.

“What about work?” Lexa asked softly.

“I’ll be late.” Clarke shrugged, eyes raking Lexa’s body. “You’re more important.”

“I’m more important than lives at risk?” Lexa quirked a brow, and Clarke was entranced by the way she teased. She hadn’t gotten to see many sides of Lexa, at the beginning of their relationship. There was constant action, constant need for Lexa’s mask and facade to remain firmly in place.

But she’d seen glimpses of Lexa, _the real_ Lexa, and she’d fallen so deeply in love. Sometimes, she could so easily forget that Lexa was still just a young girl, not even twenty-eight, who shouldered so much. Clarke loved every aspect of her. The diplomatic leader, the confused vicenarian, they were all pieces of the brilliantly complex mosaic that made up Alexandria Woods.

Her love.

“You’re more important than anything.” Clarke whispered reverently, her gaze so intense that Lexa, the Commander, _blushed._

Lexa was about to say something when Clarke’s phone rang, interrupting the romantic air between them.

“Let it go to my voicemail.” Clarke sighed.

Lexa shook her head. “It could be Octavia…” She pointed out.

A look of realization flashed on Clarke’s face as she struggled to get to her phone, which she’d left in the bathroom. She apologetically broke away from Lexa and darted to get it.

Lexa watched curiously as she emerged from the bathroom with a sour face.

“Not Octavia?” Lexa guessed.

“...No. Do you think you can murder someone for me?” Clarke grumbled.

Lexa’s shapely brows rose at the request. “If you ask nicely.” She replied coolly. “I’m a busy woman, Clarke.”

“My boss has tried to ask me out twice now. That was him. I think he thinks I lied about having a girlfriend so I could avoid him.” Clarke explained, shucking off her towel in favor of her clothes.

“I can make time, then.” Lexa teased as she followed suit.

* * *

 

Clarke could hear Raven’s voice from her position just down the main hallway. She made her way to the front desk before Raven could crack too many jokes with the nurse working there.

“Oh, there’s Dr. Griffin right there! Clarke, I didn’t know your girlfriend was so delightful.” The nurse smiled politely.

Clarke rolled her eyes and took in Raven, leaning against the desk rather casually. She looked good, despite the stress that Clarke could easily read from her features. The bags under her eyes were well covered with concealer, and Clarke almost would’ve missed them, if she hadn’t known more about Raven’s state.

“This one?” Clarke scoffed. “She’s _not.”_

The nurse looked confused. “But-”

“She’s pulling your leg.” Clarke smirked. “This is my...friend, Raven.”

Raven flinched ever so slightly at Clarke’s hesitation, and Clarke immediately felt like shit.

“Well, we’re...uh...getting lunch. Can I grab you anything?” Clarke offered.

The nurse politely declined, and then it was just Clarke and Raven, walking silently side by side, down several floors and out into the open air.

“So…” Clarke drawled, looking for a way to mitigate the damage.

“Are you sure?” Raven asked so suddenly that Clarke was confused.

“What? Am I sure about what?”

“Are you sure we’re even friends at this point?” the bite in Raven’s tone indicated the hurt she felt.

Clarke sighed. _Fuck._ “Rae, it’s not like that.”

“What’s it like, Griffin? Because a year ago I was your best friend. Your only fucking friend. Where was the hesitation then?”

Clarke stopped, moving to run a hand through her hair. She remembered it was up in a loose bun and resisted, sighing. “Raven, you _are_ my best friend. This is a fight that two-year-olds have, can we not do this, please?”

Raven took a moment, swallowing a lump in her throat before nodding. Clarke knew she was lashing out because she was having a particularly hard time adjusting after the trauma she’d suffered. But her suspicions weren’t entirely unfounded.

Clarke _had_ hesitated. Why? She had good reason. She hadn’t really had time to let the dust settle after she’d so _traitorously_ switched to Lexa’s side. In what was a lucky chain of events, both Raven and Octavia had listened to her reason and turned on Bellamy, the very foundation and cornerstone of their family.

But now that he was gone, and the chips had fallen, there was a certain...dysphoria about where everyone stood.

Octavia had disappeared on them all, with little warning, and Raven had taken to drinking and general anger.

Clarke and Lexa were experiencing similar issues, though they were far less pronounced. The love between them was unquestionable, that wasn’t the issue at all. It was Lexa’s sense of duty, coupled with her need to keep Clarke in a life of ease, away from harm. It was Clarke’s want to learn to lead from Lexa, to fight, even, against her better judgement. It was a push and pull of Clarke wanting to be of use in Lexa’s world, and Lexa trying to keep Clarke away from it.

“Rae, we should talk.” Clarke settled gently, coaxing her friend.

“Aren’t we?” Raven snapped.

“Really talk. Face to face. Everything out on the table.” Clarke specified.

Raven gave a short nod. “I know a place.” She mumbled.

* * *

 

“A bar?” Clarke looked surprised as they stepped into the quiet joint, not too far from Raven’s work. It was surprising, to say the least. “It’s barely noon.”

“Relax, _mom_. They have good appetizers.” Raven rolled her eyes, and some of the edge in her tone appeared to be playful.

“I trust you.” Clarke amended, glancing at her phone.

“What, Commander trouble?” Raven asked curiously.

Clarke looked confused. “Hmm. No, Lexa just said she’s going home early. I wonder why.”

“Anya said she was gonna be late for dinner, said she had to talk to Lexa.” Raven supplied, snapping out of her stupor. “Maybe they’re having an affair.” She offered wryly, grinning as she slid a coaster down the surface of the bar to Clarke.

“Yeah.” Clarke replied dreamily, her mind flashing to Lexa, kissing every inch of her skin in the shower. “...Don’t think that’s it.”

“So. You want to psychoanalyze me, right? Anya tried yesterday. I’m flattered by all the attention. My birthday must be coming up.”

“Cut the shit, Raven.” Clarke sighed, watching Raven motion for two menus. “I want to know what’s up.”

“What’s up?” Raven repeated, brow raised. “What’s _up?_ Nothing’s up, Griffin. That’s the problem. I’m going stir crazy. My trigger finger is getting itchy.”

Clarke grimaced at her blunt word choice. “So you’re acting like this because you’re...bored?”

“Don’t patronize me.” Raven sneered. “You have us moving out here, playing house, while you’re fucking our sworn enemy, and it’s just...fine? I’m supposed to be okay with how it all played out? Finn? Bellamy? That shit doesn’t mean anything to you?” She asked, leaning in close, as if she were going to kiss Clarke. She studied Clarke’s eyes with a silent fury that ignited a spark in Clarke’s chest.

“Stop it, Raven.” Clarke hissed.

“Am I wrong?” Raven taunted.

“Yes.” Clarke shot back. “Lexa is _not_ the enemy, and we’re not _playing house,_ we’re trying to move on with our goddamned lives. What is so wrong with that?”

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, Griffin.” Raven licked her lips. “Remember earlier today, not...an hour ago, when you couldn’t even call me your friend?”

“Well your hostility certainly isn’t helping your case.” Clarke sniffed.

“No, this goes further back. This...fracture, in our little _family..._ it started when you chose.” Raven accused, her voice soft, hollow.

Clarke looked taken aback. “There was no choice to make, Raven. Bellamy lied to us. He betrayed us. Used us. I _know_ you can’t possibly be defending him.”

“I’m not saying you did the wrong thing, okay?” Raven relented, pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation. “I’m sorry, alright? I don’t want it to seem like I’m doubting your choices.”

Clarke blinked. “Then what is it?”

Raven glanced at the luster of the counter under the bar lights before snapping back to attention. “Have you heard from O?”

Clarke looked down. “Nothing yet.”

“You don’t think that’s strange?” Raven prodded. “Things aren’t as placid as they seem, Griffin.”

“What are you saying?” Clarke pleaded.

“She had a hand in _killing_ her brother. I did, too. Hell, you _ended_ him, and he loved you.” Raven murmured gravely.

“Stop.” Clarke warned, her fist clenched tightly around the edge of her stool, her knuckles turning white.

“I’m just saying, that kind of shit fucks you up.” Raven pressed. “That kind of trauma follows you. It doesn’t give a shit whether you’re in the heat of fire in D.C, or the suburbs of some uncomfortably white town in California. It stays with you.”

“You think she’s okay?” Clarke asked softly, thinking of when she’d last seen Octavia.

“No.” Raven clucked. “But who _is_ okay, these days?” She turned to the waiter. “Can we get two of the bacon deluxe burgers?”

“Sure can.” The waiter smiled and went to fill their orders.

“...I was going with a garden salad.” Clarke noted aloud, a wry smile on her lips.

“I know, Griff.” Raven patted her back, sighing and shaking her head. “See what I mean? That’s the trauma talking.”

Clarke snorted a laugh and Raven smiled, turning back to face her.

“How’s work?” Clarke tried, hoping to shift the subject from Raven’s woes.

“Eh.” Raven shrugged. “I fix shit. Then I come home, get angry-drunk, and break shit.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “That’s not...healthy.”

Raven gave another little shrug of her shoulders. “Anya’s cool with it.”

“Is she?”

“She worries.” Raven sighed.

“Me too.” Clarke admitted, comfortingly rubbing the small of Raven’s back.

“You’re telling me you’re just...fine?” Raven asked, genuinely. She glanced around to make sure they were alone before trying again. “You _killed,_ Clarke. You weren’t ever callous like me, or O, or Bell. You were different. You’re telling me you don’t close your eyes and see the blood on your hands every time?”

“Sounds familiar.” Clarke mumbled.

“I talk from experience.” Raven whispered.

“Of course I’m spiraling, Rae.” Clarke admitted, stress pouring from every syllable. “I was in the middle of a gang war. I fell in love with a king pin. Every single day, I question my morality. What have I become? Am I like my mom? A hero? A surgeon? A lifesaver? Or am I like my….my dad, a….” Clarke trailed off, her lower lip quivering.

“Hey.” Raven put a hand over her shaky one. “Don’t say that.” She was serious, suddenly, intent on making Clarke understand. “You did exactly what you had to. And it worked out.”

“Bellamy-”

“Needed to die.” Raven offered dryly. “Don’t look back, Clarke. You’re married to a leader, aren’t you? She’ll tell you the same thing. Cherish what you have now, be thankful that you came out if it in one piece.”

Clarke nodded slowly, silently thanking Raven with her eyes.

“Hey, Rae?”

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t you take your own advice?” Clarke asked, softly.

Raven sighed. “I...don’t think it’s time to lick my wounds yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think I’m done hurting.”

* * *

 

Clarke didn’t feel _happy,_ per se, but she felt good. She felt as if her talk with Raven was a step in the right direction, for one of them, at least. It wasn’t magical by any means, it didn’t miraculously change the torn dynamic between them.

But it reaffirmed that they were not alone, despite what they felt.

In fact, Raven even offered to give Clarke a ride home, since she’d carpooled that morning.

Clarke could barely wait to come home. She _itched_ it to see Lexa, simply to be with her. She couldn’t quite understand their connection, but Clarke knew it was the strongest bond she’d ever felt.

She and Raven exchanged small talk in the car, far less charged than their lunch chat. Raven had cooled off after realizing Clarke’s genuine concern for her, and it had lessened the damage of her earlier slip up.

They’d pulled up to Clarke and Lexa’s quaint estate reminiscing about the times they’d shared before everything “went to shit”, as Raven so eloquently put it. They came up to the door, Clarke eyeing Raven’s leg. “How’s it feeling?” Clarke asked.

“Better today.” Raven acknowledged, waiting for Clarke to open the door. “It hurts, sometimes.”

Clarke nodded, pushing the door open. Before she could say anything, she and Raven were greeted by a cacophony of shouts coming from the house. Fish galloped over to the door, whining and greeting Clarke in a strange way.

Clarke was on high alert, but Raven even more so. Raven drew her gun out of her holster inside her jacket, and Clarke all but screamed.

“You carry your piece?!” Clarke hissed.

Raven ignored her, systematically moving forward. She heard grunts, the sound of glass breaking, and Anya shouting, “Lexa!”

Clarke bolted forward, the thought of Lexa being attacked fresh in her mind.

“Clarke!” Raven followed as best she could, knowing full well Clarke didn’t have a weapon to defend herself with.

Clarke skidded to a halt in the kitchen, where she saw Lexa, heaving, a vase knocked on the floor. She didn’t appear to be harmed, except for a small cut on her hand, bleeding, which Anya seemed to be inspecting.

“Get it together.” Anya cautioned, and Lexa scowled.

“What the hell is happening here?!” Clarke demanded, startling both of them.

“Clarke?” Lexa breathed, surprised to see her.

Raven came in, her gun lowered, but ready. Immediately, Lexa’s eyes flew to the gun, (specifically its proximity to Clarke), and her eyes narrowed. “Drop the gun, Reyes.” She growled.

Raven blinked, taking in the situation, before stowing away her pistol with a relieved look.

At that, Anya and Lexa visibly relaxed.

“What happened?” Clarke repeated, hurrying to take a look at Lexa’s cut. Lexa didn’t try to writhe free of Clarke’s grip, as she had from Anya’s. “Who did this to you?”

“I knocked a vase over.” Lexa gritted.

“What’s happening, An?” Raven questioned.

Anya looked to Lexa, as if asking for permission to speak on it. Lexa nodded once, and Raven was taken aback. Anya stopped taking orders from Lexa the minute they became normal civilians. Her sudden shift in demeanor didn’t make sense.

...Unless they weren’t civilians, anymore.

Anya jerked her head to a series of photos, splayed out on the counter.

Clarke gasped when she saw them, and Raven winced.

“Is that-”

“Otan and Sienna. Twenty-three, and twenty-seven. They were scouting.” Lexa recited through gritted teeth.

Clarke’s eyes fell to the first two photos. They looked...gruesome, to say the least. They were riddled with bullets, blood surrounding them, pooling. It looked as if they’d been shot again and again, by the looks of it. There was no mistaking the distinct “A” carved into Otan’s forehead.

“Oh, jesus _fuck.”_ Raven swore, her eyes widening at the sight of it.

“Is it…?” Anya trailed off, glancing at Raven with a cautious glance.

“Ark.” Raven replied, still as ever. She looked shellshocked.

“Two of _many_ .” Anya supplied quietly. “Gustus confirmed. Dropping like flies. Some of them ours, some of them Roan’s…” _none of them Octavia’s._

Lexa steeled, and Clarke could _feel_ her anger rippling throughout her body. Her jaw was clenched, a prominent vein along her neck. Her eyes were blazing.

Clarke had seen Lexa this feral before. It was a terrible sign.

Lexa clenched her hand into a fist, blood welling from her cut like a river as Clarke gasped, stepping back in shock.

When Lexa spoke, it was chilling.

“I am going to kill Octavia Blake.”


	2. Am I Evil?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all. This goes without saying but I wanted to remind everyone that this one definitely requires a little more suspended disbelief than most of my other AU's, in case you forgot. Not going for realism, just a fun wild plot. Other than that- enjoy.

There was something eerie about the way Lexa seamlessly shifted from her calm, unaffected demeanor, to the ruthless leader she was capable of being. 

In seconds, with news of the sudden deaths that tore her  _ family _ apart in D.C., Lexa was no longer docile, like she had been for nearly the past year. Her eyes flashed dangerously, her jaw tensed, her hands balled into fists. 

Clarke almost didn’t recognize her, for a moment. 

Memories came flooding back, suddenly. 

The city, the Grounders, the Arkers, Bellamy, Octavia, Raven, Anya, Ontari, bloodshed, sirens, hospitals, Lexa’s tears. 

It was as if their year in domestic bliss had been nothing more than a mirage, an oasis in an otherwise uninhabitable wasteland. 

“Anya.” Lexa growled. “Charter a plane, I’ll be ready in fifteen.” 

Anya nodded dutifully, ignoring Raven’s surprised glance as she brushed past her, making for the door. 

Raven shot Clarke a glance and mouthed, “We’ll talk” before darting after Anya, calling her name with a hint of desperation in her tone. Clarke felt the same way. 

Lexa was on her way to the door when Clarke hurried out of the kitchen to find her. 

“Lexa!” 

Lexa was ignoring her, moving to reach the knob. 

“Lexa!” Clarke called desperately, blindly grasping for her wrist. 

Lexa turned on her heel, shaking her head, as if she had just heard Clarke. 

Clarke thought, for a split second, that Lexa was moving to strike. The way she tensed, the way she raised her hand and then dropped it ever so slightly. 

But Lexa had never, ever moved to lay a hand on her before. 

And Clarke recognized, she’d raised her hand to touch Clarke’s cheek, but hesitated when she saw the look of worry and fear on Clarke’s face. 

“Lexa.” Clarke huffed. “Where are you going?” 

“The bank. I need some things, before I leave.” 

“What?” Clarke’s eyes were wide. “Leave where?” 

“D.C.” Lexa replied, no emotion to her tone but anger. 

“Right now?” Clarke balked. 

“How many others are going to die, Clarke?” Lexa snapped. 

“And what are you going to do? Just waltz in and kill everyone?” Clarke fired back. She hated how Lexa’s protectiveness made her so goddamn stubborn. 

“If I must.” Lexa gritted. 

“No plan?” 

“I’ll make one on the plane, with Anya.” Lexa retorted. 

Clarke eyed Lexa’s hand, still raw and bloody from the cut. Her heart was aching for Lexa, but she was also furious. 

“What about me?” Clarke questioned. 

“You’ll be safe here, Clarke, don’t worry.” Lexa assured her softly, voice changing. 

“That’s not what I’m worried about!” Clarke nearly roared. “I...I need to be there! Were you just going to leave without me?” 

“I…” Lexa trailed off. “Clarke, I cannot worry about you-” 

“So I’m a liability?” Clarke snapped. 

“ _ Clarke,  _ please-” Lexa was exasperated as she tried to reason with her. 

“No, are you kidding me?” Clarke growled. “I’m coming.” 

“Absolutely not.” Lexa took a step forward, ready to defend her stance. 

“You can’t fucking tell me what to do, Lexa. I’m not Anya, and I can’t believe you expect me to  take orders from you, I-” 

“It wasn’t an order.” Lexa whispered, her emerald eyes shimmering. 

“And the audacity to-” Clarke cut herself off, after Lexa’s words registered. “Wait, what?” 

“I couldn’t...I’m not  _ ordering  _ you to do anything, Clarke, I would never…” Lexa gathered herself, taking a breath before continuing. “I’m  _ begging  _ you.” She pleaded, voice weak, eyes boring into Clarke’s. 

Alexandria Woods, reduced to begging. 

All to keep Clarke safe. 

Suddenly, it made sense. 

“I…” Lexa shook her head vigorously, words catching in her throat. “Clarke, I  _ can’t  _ lose you. Do you understand? I...you’ve already come  _ so  _ close because of me, and I...I need you, Clarke. I need you here, I need you safe...I need you.” 

Clarke took a breath, stepping right into Lexa’s space, cupping her cheeks. 

“Lexa.” She murmured. “I know you’re scared.” 

Lexa’s eyes widened slightly. “I’m-” 

“I know you are. Hell, you  _ should  _ be. I want you scared, and alert.” Clarke whispered. “But I...I’ve been there before, I’ve been through this with you. We’re partners. You can’t expect me to run and hide while you just….charge into battle. Think about what I would go through if I stayed.” Clarke begged her. “I need to be with you. I need you to have faith in me. You trained me!” 

“Not enough.” Lexa whispered, their foreheads touching. “You can’t train enough for this, there’s no guarantee that you’d be safe, we don’t even know what’s going on.” 

“Lexa.” Clarke pressed. “Where you go, I go. If you fight, I fight. If you hurt, I hurt. Do  _ you  _ understand?” 

Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat, nodding just barely. 

“Good.” Clarke leaned forward, capturing Lexa’s lips in her own for a desperate kiss, Clarke grabbing fistfuls of Lexa’s shirt, Lexa wrapping her good arm around Clarke. 

By the time the kiss broke, they were breathing harder, without any space between them. 

“I’ll go. I’ll be back.” Lexa murmured. “Fifteen minutes.” 

Clarke quirked a brow. “You’ll stay until I’ve fixed your hand.” 

Lexa paused, biting her lip. She smiled a little, despite the situation. “It would seem that I’m taking orders from you, now.” 

“I hate seeing you hurt.” Clarke confessed tenderly. She lifted Lexa’s hand to her lips, kissing beside the cut, hearing Lexa’s soft gasp as she did so. 

As if Lexa couldn’t believe how much Clarke was in love with her. 

“Come on.” Clarke whispered, and Lexa followed. 

* * *

“This might sting a little, alright?” Clarke murmured, dabbing at Lexa’s cut with a clean towel, her bandage kit all set up on their bathroom counter. 

Lexa nodded, her eyes clouded, mind occupied with thoughts that Clarke couldn’t quite imagine. 

“There.” Clarke reached for a band aid. She pressed it to the cut, and threw away the ends into the bin by her feet. She was standing between Lexa’s legs, as Lexa sat up on the counter. She kissed Lexa’s palm, and then caressed her cheek. “I can tell you’re not with me.” She noted with a hint of dry amusement. 

“Thank you.” Lexa ducked her head slightly. “My mind is...racing.” 

“I can tell.” Clarke nodded. “Why don’t we talk about it?” 

“The bank-”

“We both know that can wait. Anya can’t get the jet arranged in less than two hours, so talk, Lexa. It’s good for you.” 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa apologized. “I know it’s been a while, but I’m still not perfectly accustomed to sharing my...feelings. Particularly on work matters. I never really had anyone that I could trust.” 

“You can trust me.” Clarke told her softly. 

“I do.” Lexa amended quickly. “The topic is...sensitive.” 

“Because you think that Octavia is behind these killings?” Clarke asked, not one to mince words. 

“I don’t  _ think  _ she is, Clarke. She  _ is.  _ There’s no question about it. The MO, the markings, the Ark-” 

“You can’t be sure.” Clarke argued gently. 

“Clarke, this is why I didn’t want to drag you into this.” Lexa whispered. “I love that you have this...faith, in everyone, and I don’t want you to lose that. But I can’t afford to think that way.” Lexa sounded truly apologetic. “And I don’t want you in a position where you’d have to choose-” 

“Lexa.” Clarke cut her off with a kiss, surprising her entirely. “I won’t have to choose. There’s no choice to make. Whatever is going on, I’m with  _ you.  _ Not Octavia, not the Arkers, not the Grounders,  _ you.  _ You’re not  _ dragging  _ me into any of this. It’s my fight, as much as it is yours. But you need to start seeing me as your equal, in this respect, Lex. I can help you. I can...protect you, even.” 

Lexa was breathless from Clarke’s admission, looking up at Clarke with wide eyes. 

She didn’t understand why anyone like her could ever have somebody like Clarke. She was bad, rotten, spoiled and ruined by overexposure to everything corrupt in this world. 

Clarke was a beacon of  _ good,  _ of light, of trust, happiness, all the things Lexa thought unattainable. And here she was,  _ choosing  _ Lexa. 

It was sort of unbelievable. 

“I love you, Clarke.” It spilled from Lexa’s lips before she had a moment to think, and Clarke rewarded her with smile, and a kiss on the forehead. 

“I love you too.” 

“ _ We  _ have a flight to catch.” Lexa told her, sliding off the counter. “Why don’t you start packing?” 

* * *

“Anya?” Raven followed her into their bedroom, irritated with Anya’s lack of a response. “Anya! For fuck’s sake, talk to me.” 

Anya whipped around, face to face with her girlfriend. “What, Raven?” 

“Don’t you  _ What, Raven?  _ Me, okay? What the hell is going on?” 

“You were there.” Anya muttered. “Woods is returning to D.C.” 

“Yeah, I got that part.” Raven tried not to roll her eyes. “I just….That’s it? You’re going? On a second’s notice?” 

Anya nodded without any trepidation. “Of course.” She answered, as if it were obvious. 

“And...what about me?” Raven balked.

Anya’s expression shifted. “What about you?” She asked, her voice softer, more forgiving. 

“You’re just fucking leaving?” Raven bit her lip. “Even though you know I…” she tried to form the words, but they felt too heavy in her throat. She swallowed them down, instead muttering, “Fuck that.” Raven threw her phone in anger on the floor, whipping around. 

“Raven?” Anya looked surprised. 

“No.” Raven shook her head. “I don’t want to hear it.” 

“Where are you going?” Anya sounded concerned, now, as Raven yanked her keys off the peg by the door. 

“Why the fuck does it matter?” Raven pressed. “You were about to leave anyway.” 

“Of course it matters.” Anya demanded. “I need to know where you are.” 

“No, you don’t. My  _ girlfriend _ would need to know that. And you sure as shit aren’t my girlfriend. Call me crazy, but  _ girlfriend’s  _ don’t fucking leave each other with no warning like this. They don’t-” 

Anya’s eyes narrowed. “Raven, stop.” 

“You’re asking me to stop?” Raven seethed. “In the middle of dumping you?” 

Anya didn’t look shaken at all. “Raven.” She murmured, stepping between Raven and the door. “Take a second, breathe.” 

“I’m breathing.” Raven growled. 

“You and I both know that I  _ cannot  _ take you.” Anya spoke slowly, deliberately. “The risk of you getting hurt is-” 

“Oh, bullshit, Anya. I can fight, I can fend for myself.” Raven snapped. 

“Be that as it may, you’re in a bad position. You’re no longer loyal to one side. Your loyalties are blurred, and while I trust you, I’m not certain that Octavia will.” 

“Octavia wouldn’t hurt me.” Raven protested. 

“I don’t know that.” Anya fired back. 

“So this isn’t you trying to escape this….depressing life we’ve made for ourselves, here?” Raven snapped. 

Anya’s features softened, her arms sliding around Raven’s waist. “Of course not. I’m protecting you.” She murmured, and Raven couldn’t help but sigh a little and lean in, their kiss soft and tender. 

“What about you?” Raven prodded. “Woods sounds the war horns and you’re ready to lay your life down again? Instantly?” 

“It’s not like that.” Anya protested. 

“What’s it like? Because it sounds like you were ready to die for her, without giving me a second thought.” 

Anya sighed. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?” 

Raven gave her a wry smile. “I’m not.” 

“Get your shit. We’re leaving soon.” Anya mumbled, pulling Raven closer despite her words. 

“Consider yourself un-dumped.” 

“You’re fucking dramatic.” Anya murmured, wrapping her arms tightly around Raven, closing her eyes in a moment of undisturbed bliss. It frightened her, how much she loved the girl. “But I love you, anyway.” 

Raven actually smiled at that, not quite protesting when Anya hoisted her up, carrying her to the bedroom, not quite ready to let go of her just yet. 

* * *

“I’ve tried Lincoln numerous times.” Lexa murmured to Anya in the dark, dimmed lighting of the jet, the two sitting aside from Clarke and Raven. 

Everything was luxurious, from the fine leather upholstery to the champagne glasses, and yet, nothing could be enjoyed in the face of business. 

Lexa had quietly vowed to herself that she’d bring Clarke on a trip, a vacation of some sort, once this was dealt with. 

_ A honeymoon. _

The thought hadn’t escaped her. She wanted nothing more than to settle with Clarke, to make Clarke her wife, to love and cherish her the way she deserved.

Despite what people believed about her, she  _ did  _ want that. She wanted to be carefree, to be the woman Clarke deserved, to love her without the threats of her past life lingering over them. 

But she needed to set those ambitions, those dreams, those goals, aside for now. 

She needed to ensure that she left no loose ends. 

And if Octavia was one of them, so be it. 

While Clarke and Raven were busy wondering  _ why  _ she did it, Lexa was more concerned with how she was going to bereave Clarke once more. 

It seemed she was intent on robbing the Blake siblings from Clarke’s life. 

_ That  _ was what put doubts in her mind. 

Here she was, picking off Clarke’s loved ones like a damn bird of prey. 

The woman she supposedly loved with her entire being. 

“Woods.” Anya murmured, and she snapped out of it. 

“Sorry?” 

“Where is your head?” Anya prodded. 

“Elsewhere.” Lexa replied stiffly. 

“So, you want to question Blake?” Anya asked carefully. “Do I need someone to... _ extract  _ her? Lincoln won’t like this.” 

“For all we know, Lincoln is dead in a ditch somewhere, Octavia’s doing.” Lexa snapped. 

Anya looked grim. “You plan on walking into her building?” 

“If she has nothing to hide, she won't mind.” Lexa replied firmly. 

“And if she does?” 

“Then we’ll find it.” 

“And Lincoln?” 

“Lincoln made his choice.” Lexa replied, pinching the bridge of her nose in exhaustion. “It’s late, Anya. There’s nothing more to be done.” She glanced longingly at Clarke, who was talking quietly to Raven, slouching in her seat. She was exhausted as well. 

“You’re distracted.” Anya muttered. “Lexa, forgive me for asking, but are you  _ positive  _ that it was the right call to bring her-” 

Lexa’s eyes narrowed. “You’re getting bold.” She remarked loftily. 

“Lexa, I’ve never lied to you. I won’t tell you that a liability is a wise choice-” 

“She’s  _ not  _ a liability.” Lexa snapped. “She’s bright, she’s resourceful, she elevates herself. You feel the same way for Raven. If you’d maybe  _ include  _ her instead of so blindly trying to protect her, you’d get a lot further.” Lexa stood, brushing her shirt off with a sigh. 

“Where are you going?” Anya whispered. 

“To cherish what I have while I still can.” Lexa shrugged, turning on her heel. 

Raven glanced up at Lexa and promptly rose from her chair beside Clarke, moving to switch seats in efforts to be closer to Anya. Lexa murmured a thank you and sat down beside Clarke, who glanced at her questioningly. 

“How’d it go?” Clarke murmured, rubbing her eyes, as Lexa settled into the seat. 

“Fine.” Lexa replied. “There’s not much we can do, thirty-thousand feet in the air.” 

“And it’s killing you.” Clarke noted with some dry mirth. 

Lexa nodded, running a hand through her hair, shifting the part slightly. 

Clarke sighed in tired awe, watching her, then Anya and Raven, who seemed to be hesitant, for some reason. 

“Am I allowed to kiss you?” Clarke whispered. 

“Sorry?” Lexa blinked. 

“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable...in front of Anya.”  Clarke explained quietly. “There’s  _ Lexa,  _ and  _ Heda.  _ Who am I talking to right now?” 

Lexa shook her head. “For you, there’s only Lexa.” She murmured, and Clarke listened, heart swelling, lips parted in a silent gasp. 

“You look tired.” Lexa added softly. 

“You do, too.” Clarke replied sympathetically. 

Lexa held her arm open, and Clarke instantly smiled, despite the situation. She leaned into Lexa’s hold, resting her head on Lexa’s chest, as Lexa reached for the blanket beside them. They kicked their legs onto the rests before them, reclined and tucked into one another. Lexa draped the blanket over them, kissing Clarke’s forehead. 

“Do you think Fish is okay?” Clarke asked, cuddling into Lexa’s hold. “I miss our son.” 

Lexa chuckled softly. “For as much as we’re paying for that dog sitter, full time, yeah, I think he’s better off than we are.” 

“I told him we’d be back soon.” Clarke teased. 

“We will be. I’m a woman of my word.” 

“I wouldn’t mind another impromptu trip some day. Without the negatives, of course. I like the jet. Very luxurious.” 

“I wish I could bring you here under better circumstances.” Lexa murmured. 

Clarke kissed Lexa’s chest, her hands playing with Lexa’s. “We will.” She promised. “I’m spending my vacation week at work on this...impromptu trip. But hey, I’ll build up more. Plus, I think I’m getting a raise, so I’ll be able to wine and dine you properly, Woods.” 

Lexa smiled. Clarke’s mundane talks of work and vacation time made Lexa feel  _ warm,  _ as if she really had that sort of future in store for herself. 

It was a beautiful end goal to look forward to. 

“I mean, I can’t afford a jet like you, but maybe a nice Uber ride.” Clarke teased, and Lexa’s smile widened to a grin, still brilliant in the dim lighting. “Not all of us can be casual millionaires.” 

“You’re a doctor.” Lexa snorted amusedly, keeping her voice low. “Don’t act like you don’t make a perfectly comfortable living.” 

Clarke grinned at her prodding. “You put me to shame.” She glanced up, eyes meeting Lexa’s, sinking further into her tight hold. 

“I love you.” Lexa murmured, her head resting against Clarke’s. “I’m an idiot if I let my...work get in the way, to distract me from making sure that you know. You’re all I have, Clarke.” 

The last part was so soft, it was barely there. 

This was Lexa, baring her soul to Clarke. 

“We’re going to be okay.” Clarke promised, closing her eyes. “I want you to get some rest, okay? You need it.” 

Lexa nodded, closing her eyes as well. She could sleep soundly, with Clarke in her arms. 

She assumed it to be the last peaceful sleep she’d have in a while. 

She was right. 

* * *

It was strange for Anya and Raven to watch the fierce Commander wake her girlfriend with all the care in the world, the jet fully landed, D.C. already awake and bustling. 

Clarke clung to Lexa in her sleep, and Lexa was gentle with her, kissing her head to wake her. 

When Clarke finally did manage to stir, she cracked an eye open to find Lexa’s tender expression, and she held on a little tighter, knowing that the serenity was very rapidly coming to a close. 

“Time to go?” Clarke whispered. 

Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat, nodding reluctantly. 

It was as if she wished she were anyone else, at that moment. But it didn’t matter. She was who she was, and she was bound to her task. 

And now, that task was interrogating Octavia Blake. 

It almost as if Lexa was saying goodbye, to Clarke, in some sense. 

Raven stopped by their seats, but Anya nudged her, murmuring, “Give them a moment.” 

Raven closed her mouth and led the way, Anya following in suit. 

Clarke let out a little huff of wry amusement. “I didn’t know we could ever get them to leave.” 

“Perks of being a commander.” Lexa replied with some mirth. 

“You may scare them off, but you’re the reason they swarm in the first place.” Clarke tucked a lock of hair behind Lexa’s ear, earning a smile. “Anya’s practically a guard puppy at your heel.” 

Lexa looked sympathetic. “She’s protective.” 

“She treats me like she did from day one. As if I’m going to stab you during sex or something.” 

Lexa smiled ruefully. “She likes you, actually.” 

Clarke lifted the blanket off, leaning forward to cup Lexa’s cheeks. “You didn’t sleep much.” She whispered knowingly. “I always sleep like a baby in your arms. I feel so warm, so safe. I...I wish I could give you that, Lexa.” 

Lexa leaned into the palm of Clarke’s hand. “You do.” She promised. “Things are about to get... _ difficult _ .” Lexa’s voice dropped, as did her gaze. She sounded ashamed, that she couldn’t give Clarke the world, and then some. 

“I understand.”  _ I understand what you have to be, what you have to do.  _ The words were unspoken, but present, nonetheless. “Lexa, I-” 

“I want to give you so much, Clarke.” Lexa’s lip wobbled slightly as she made for Clarke’s, kissing her with a featherlight touch. “When I’m done, I…”  _ I want to put that ring on your finger.  _ “Soon.” Lexa settled awkwardly. “Soon, I promise.” 

Clarke nodded understandingly. “Lexa, I don’t regret a second with you.” 

“I can’t give you a normal life.” Lexa blurted then, suddenly. 

“Our love isn’t normal.” Clarke counteracted. 

“I’m a criminal.” 

“You’re a hero.” Clarke countered. 

“Clarke, stop.” 

“No, you stop. I don’t want to hear your second thoughts, I don’t want you to be some false martyr and try to scare me away in the name of protecting me, or some other crazy idea you have. I’m here. I understand, Lexa. And I’m  _ proud  _ of you. You’re a leader. An amazing leader, one who bleeds for her people. Not many people can say that, Lex. I look up to you.” 

It was as if Lexa had forgotten how to speak at all, so she nodded in lieu of a response. She tried to croak out a “thank you”, and Clarke seemed to understand. 

Lexa stood, extending her hand to Clarke’s. 

Clarke caught a glimpse of something black and shiny, and realized, with no small amount of surprise, that Lexa’s familiar handgun was in fact in it’s holster. 

She tried not to grimace at the sight of the ugly, callous weapon. She tried not to imagine what went through Lexa’s mind when she strapped it on. Was it warm, and relieving, like reuniting with an old friend? Did Lexa  _ miss  _ it? Was it heavy on her, like a burden she couldn’t bear? 

It didn’t really seem to matter, in the great scheme of things. 

Clarke rose, Lexa making it effortless for her. She stood beside Lexa, took a breath, and laced her hand with Lexa’s. 

They walked out, joining Anya and Raven by the door. 

Side by side. 

* * *

“Lexa. That was the turn to go to the office.” Clarke sounded from the back seat of the car that was waiting for them once they hit the street. 

Clarke understood the reach of Lexa’s power and influence, that she had people ready to follow any and all orders and  _ die  _ for her, but sometimes it was the little things that really did it for her. 

The car was left with a little note on the driver’s side, that read: Welcome back, Heda. 

Clarke noted how Lexa didn’t even smile as she read it, but instead, swallowed a lump in her throat and grazed the writing with an apologetic face. 

And then Clarke remembered the cause of their sudden return, and her heart sank just a little more. 

The sky was gray and gloomy, the weather as somber as the situation they found themselves in. Clarke remembered her days in D.C, when she’d just started working for Lexa. She remembered often staring out at the lifeless sky, usually pouring rain, wondering who Lexa was, and why she had such a hold on Clarke. 

It was amazing, how far they’d come. 

Lexa didn’t respond, as she was quietly muttering to Anya in the front, making calls left and right.

Raven was watching with a keen look of interest, lounging in the back seat before turning to Clarke, who looked somewhat annoyed that they couldn’t be bothered to answer. 

“You think we’re going to Woods’ office?” Raven asked with a wry tone. “Guess again.” 

“We passed the turn.” Clarke mumbled. “It hasn’t been  _ that  _ long since we’ve been gone. Lexa knows-” 

“We’re not going there.” Raven ended her spiraling with a pitiful glance. 

“What?” Clarke blinked. “Why wouldn’t we-”

“Straight into the belly of the beast.” Raven replied. “I think our girl Octavia is getting a visit.” 

Clarke’s eyes widened. “She’s here?” She asked in shock. 

“Mhmm. Woods placed a couple of calls earlier, her scouts confirmed that Octavia was seen back in her office,  _ weeks ago. _ She’s been here, while we’ve been busy playing into that white suburbia bullshit.” 

Clarke ran a hand through her hair at the news, clearly distressed. “And Lincoln? He’s supporting this?” 

“There’s the kicker.” Raven murmured. “Woods’ scouts say he hasn’t been seen at all. They say Octavia’s been seen with this younger guy. No one seems to have any info on him, but with the way our  _ significant others  _ are getting ready to shake the place down, I figure we’ll have that soon enough, too.” 

Clarke was thrown. “Wait, what?!” She froze as the car rolled to a stop, just across the street from the colloquially dubbed “Blake Tower”. The office building looked threatening against the darkened sky, and Clarke wondered how she ever felt at home in it. 

“Another guy? No Lincoln? A shakedown?” Clarke stammered. 

Lexa glanced backwards, giving Clarke and Raven a look. 

“Stay put.” Lexa’s voice left no room for argument. “If I’m not out in ten minutes, Reyes, you take the car and get Clarke out of here. Back home, preferably.” 

Raven’s eyes widened, but she nodded, slowly. She wasn’t used to taking direct orders from Lexa, but protecting Clarke was something she didn’t need to argue with. 

“What?” Clarke blinked in shock, as if someone had struck her. “You- you’re just storming in?” 

Lexa didn’t answer, instead giving Clarke a look that said “ _ please trust me”  _ before sliding out of her seat and shutting the door. 

Anya followed suit, muttering, “Reyes, hold her.” 

Before Clarke could leap out of her seat to follow, Raven kept her grounded with a firm hand to the chest. 

“Rae, what the fuck?” Clarke snapped, watching Lexa’s figure retreat to the other side of the road. She looked a little like an angel of death, clad in black, leather gloves, and long flowing coat billowing a little in the wind. 

“Don’t make this difficult.” Raven sighed. 

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked hurriedly, struggling against Raven’s superior strength. 

“Griff, relax.” Raven snapped. “It’s not like they’re going in there to have a shootout.” 

“How would you know?!” Clarke retorted. “I need to be there! Octavia knows  _ us,  _ not them! What if they get mowed down? What if Lexa can’t check her rage and does something stupid?” 

Raven didn’t look convinced. “Are you worried about Blake, or Woods?” She pressed. 

“Both.” Clarke huffed, dejectedly leaning back into her seat. 

“Clarke.” Raven sighed. “They’re going in there to talk, okay? You being there makes Woods antsy, since she’s gone all soft for you. It’s safer with you out here. Besides, what are you going to do when shit gets ugly in there? You can’t fight. Lexa doesn’t need to worry about you. This way, she can save her own ass, and Anya’s, if we’re lucky.” 

“I...I can help.” Clarke shook her head. 

“Being a human shield is really only cool the first time you do it.” Raven smirked. “Then, well, you wear out. And by that, I mean die.” 

“Fuck you, Raven, I can fight.” Clarke growled, feeling suddenly indignant. 

Raven frowned, easing up. “Sorry. I know you’ve been working with Anya. I’m just being an ass. I-” 

“It’s okay, I…” Clarke trailed off, squinting at a car across the street. There was something about the way it pulled up to the curb, so inconspicuously and naturally, it felt  _ wrong.  _ The windows were tinted black, and the plates read: exempt. 

“It’s just that I haven’t been able to sort my feelings after-” 

“Raven.” 

“-even with Bellamy, it wasn’t really hitting home until-” 

“ _ Raven.”  _

“-And I don’t know how I’m supposed to-” 

“Raven!” Clarke leapt forward, yanking Raven’s arm. “Look!” a man ducked out of the car, discreetly tucking something into his side, pulling his coat over it before turning and walking towards the building doors. 

He looked young, no older than Clarke or Raven, perhaps even a bit younger. He looked calm and calculating, no visible tattoos anywhere on his body, his hair cropped and combed over professionally. 

“He doesn’t look like typical Ark material.” Raven mumbled, her hand ghosting over her pistol. 

Clarke’s eyes widened. “He’s...He can’t be new, right?” She watched him disappear into the building. “He wasn’t just adjusting his coat, was he?” 

Raven tsked. “Storing a piece in a holster, more likely. But a holster like that? Exempt plates? I think he’s a cop.” 

Clarke’s heart constricted. Lexa was in there, unknowing, unsuspecting. “A cop?” She echoed. “He...why would he come in? All debts are paid on their own turf. O knows that.” 

Raven bit her lip, looking hesitant for a moment. 

“Anya.” Clarke knew with one word, she had Raven in protective mode. 

“Fuck,  _ fine.”  _ Raven snapped. “Stay behind me.” 

Clarke nodded hurriedly, and they were off. 

* * *

From the moment Lexa and Anya entered the building, they were faced with tense stares, hushed whispers, and some mumbled death threats. 

This, of course, was to be expected, considering the terms they’d left the Arkers on. 

Not to mention, Lexa’s brutal slaughtering of Dax, a notable fighter, moreover, a  _ hero _ , to some. 

Anya moved to open her mouth, but Lexa beat her to the punch. 

“No trig.” Lexa murmured, mouth barely moving. “Puts them on edge.” 

Anya nodded, following dutifully. 

Not too far in, at the front desk, a girl signaled for assistance, and Lexa and Anya were met with a bulky looking guard. Clarke knew him, once upon a time. Connor, or Conrad, or something to that effect. Lexa found herself wondering if she’d made the right choice, leaving Clarke behind. 

_ “Clarke is safe.”  _ her mind told her.  _ Worry about the issue at hand.  _

“Woods.” The man spoke, and Lexa was surprised that he even managed to get words out, his face contorting to some sort of twisted smile. “Octavia said you’d be in for a... _ visit.” _

Lexa was unfazed, jaw tight as she stared him down. “Then she’ll also have mentioned that I’ll only be speaking to her.” 

The guard nodded. “She’s in her office. This way.” 

Lexa’s mind was racing, as they made their way to the elevator. She was thinking of possible reasons for Octavia’s behavior, she was thinking of ways to incapacitate the guards if she needed to. She was staring not only at his jugular vein, thinking about how many seconds it would take for her to unsheathe the razor sharp karambit knife from her belt. She was counting the security cameras, even the ones that were supposedly hidden behind the plants, and the large painting that was hung against the wall. 

The ride was tense, the guard facing them, rather than the door. 

Anya was itching to demand justice, Lexa could tell from the way her body was tensed like a bowstring, pulled back before a deadly launch. 

Lexa felt a rush of adrenaline akin to the ones she used to feel right before something cataclysmic would happen, on the streets, or in her brief years of combat, before. 

Something about the pressure made her thrive. It made her blood pump, her senses sharper, her decision making process faster than normally possible. 

When the elevator doors opened, and the guard motioned them forward, Lexa stepped out first, Anya following. 

Pictures of Bellamy lined the hallway. Pictures of Clarke and Bellamy, together with Octavia and Raven. Childhood pictures, pictures of when they first graduated. 

Lexa blinked, and in the millisecond that her eyes closed, she could see his face. The blood, oozing from his gut. 

She was responsible for that death, despite what Clarke did. She facilitated it. 

She tried not to let any guilt seep in. 

He was responsible for the deaths of so many more. 

And his sister? 

Lexa bit her lip, thinking of young Sienna, and young Otan, the latest victims in what was undoubtedly one of the lowest blows Lexa had ever seen. The carving on the forehead? It was almost too cruel to be Octavia. But Lexa knew what loss, especially someone as close as a brother, did to people. 

Octavia was only human, after all. 

Humans could be killed. 

The guard pushed the glass doors of Octavia’s office open, stepping forward. 

“Boss.” He greeted in a low rumble, and Octavia turned around, into view. 

Lexa was surprised, to say the least, by what she saw. 

Octavia’s hair was pulled back into an intricate braid that resembled Lexa’s. She wore total black, ditching her typical business attire for something  _ rogue.  _ Her arms were covered in tattoos, a sleeve that Lexa couldn’t decipher, the Ark’s symbol on the other arm, as well as something more tribal looking beneath it. 

Octavia herself, was different. Her body was leaner than before, more built. Her eyes looked dead, tired, lifeless. 

It was like staring at another person altogether. 

“Leave us.” Octavia held up a hand, eerily similar to the way Lexa would dismiss her people. 

The guard looked questioning. “But, Octavia, I don’t think-” 

“Get out.” Octavia whispered threateningly, and he nodded, backing away. 

Octavia regarded Lexa, eyeing her up and down, and then Anya, who folded her hands professionally behind her back. 

Octavia was the first to speak, seeing as Lexa stood there, eyes piercing the girl, demanding an explanation. 

“I...thought you’d bring an army.” Octavia confessed, voice cold, callous. 

Lexa didn’t look amused. She took a threatening step forward, squaring her shoulders. “You have one chance, Octavia.” She spoke calmly, chillingly. “Are you responsible for the deaths of my people? Have you been massacring my people,  _ innocent  _ people, while we had a truce?” 

Octavia nodded slowly. Before Lexa could do anything at all, familiar screams from the hallway sounded, and Lexa’s eyes widened.  _ Clarke.  _

The three of them whipped around to find the same guard from before, and the “cop”, Raven and Clarke in headlocks, guns pressed to each of their heads. 

Octavia’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of her friends in danger, but she made no order to have them released. 

“Clarke.” Lexa whispered, and Anya tensed as Raven and Clarke were dragged to Octavia’s door. 

“Are you insane?” Lexa snapped. “Let them go.” 

“O, what the fuck?!” Raven cried. “We were attacked on sight-” 

“Octavia, please.” Clarke tried to be the voice of reason. “What’s happening?”

“Enough!” Octavia roared, and everyone froze. 

Nobody knew Octavia Blake to be quite so volatile. Something in the room shifted, suddenly. Lexa was the first to pick up on it. Octavia was deluded. She wasn’t bluffing. She was a legitimate threat. 

“Ilian.” Octavia regarded the young cop with a look that read  _ What the hell is happening? _

“They followed me.” The man, Ilian, apparently, explained. “The latina had a gun. The other one is unarmed.” 

Octavia took a breath. 

“Seriously?” Raven spat. “I’m reduced to the fucking latina? Say my name, Octavia! Tell him who we are!” 

“Who are you?” Ilian demanded, suddenly curious. 

“Who am I? Who the fuck are you?” Raven countered. “I’m Raven fucking Reyes, and I worked here for-” 

Ilian’s eyes widened at her name. “This is Raven Reyes?” He murmured. “And then this must be Clarke Griffin.” 

Lexa’s eyes narrowed with the knowledge that he had information about Clarke. She wanted so badly to reach for her gun and end their miserable existence, but she needed to keep things from escalating. They were badly outnumbered, and she had no idea who this Ilian character was. 

“This wasn’t part of the plan...baby,  _ please. _ ” Octavia looked at Ilian with pleading eyes. 

_ Baby?  _ The plan? Lexa sighed, closing her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. She had no choice. 

Her movements were quick. Her signal to Anya was a nod, barely there. Within seconds, Anya had her gun aimed Octavia’s entourage, while Lexa had bigger plans. 

Lexa spun, kicking over the desk between them as she brandished her knife from her belt, curling it deftly in her hands. She slammed into Octavia, fingers wrapping around her throat as she pushed her against the glass window, her knife just barely touching Octavia’s throat. 

Lexa saw a sliver of something in Octavia’s previously dead eyes. 

Fear, it seemed. 

Octavia was afraid to die. Lexa wondered why. 

Lexa knew she had the upper hand. She was older, eons ahead of Octavia in terms of training and capability, and she had a level head. 

It was time to assert those advantages. 

“Octavia.” Lexa licked her lips, slowly ushering the girl into a forced headlock, the knife threatening to slit her throat if she didn’t comply exactly with Lexa’s motions. 

Clarke gasped, and Lexa knew, it wasn’t for her sake. 

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are.” Lexa growled, and everyone seemed to understand the severity of the situation. “I don’t know what you’re planning, and frankly, I don’t care. You were given a truce. You violated that. I gave you  _ another  _ chance by coming here on peaceful terms, Blake. You reward me by shoving a gun in the face of my people, and your former friends. Let me be candid. I will not hesitate to slit your throat if you don’t let them go, this instant.” Lexa flicked her eyes to Ilian. “And then I’ll carve a nice message into your boyfriend’s corpse, to match the damage you’ve done to me and mine.” 

Ilian blinked, and Octavia slowly nodded. 

He stepped back, and Clarke and Raven were released. 

“Tell them to get the fuck out.” Lexa growled. 

“....Leave.” Octavia whispered, broken. 

Ilian and the other guard looked hesitant, but the barrel of Anya’s gun was convincing enough, and they back out. 

Still, Lexa did not ease up. 

“Lexa.” Clarke whispered, rubbing her neck. 

Lexa wanted nothing more than to run to her, to hold her, to kill anyone who could even think about hurting her love, her life, her light.

But she remained still, listening. 

“Octavia.” Clarke tried, approaching slowly, her voice a whisper. “It’s us. What’s gotten into you? Where’s Lincoln?” 

“Dead, I’d imagine.” Anya growled. 

Lexa tensed, eyeing Octavia. “Is he dead?” 

Octavia didn’t answer. 

“He wouldn’t approve.” Lexa told her, and apparently, it stung. 

“You don’t know anything about Lincoln, or me!” Octavia cried, a crack forming in her defensive facade. “You don’t understand any of it! It’s a game. It’s...It’s a game, and we’re all just pawns. I can’t...You don’t…” 

“Lexa, she’s spiraling!” Clarke cried sympathetically. “Octavia, breathe. We can help you. Let us help you. What’s going on?” 

Octavia looked shaken, her teeth gritted, as if she were in pain. “You can’t help me.” She shook her head. “I have to kill you.  _ Her.”  _ Octavia eyed Lexa, struggling in her grip. 

Lexa didn’t look the least bit shaken. 

“Anya, escort them out.” Lexa whispered. She glared at Octavia. “If someone so much as inches towards them on the way out, I’ll end you, and everything you hold dear. Anya, I’ll be out in ten.”

Anya nodded, her gun still out as she ushered Raven and Clarke out of the room.  

Clarke’s eyes widened. “Lexa? What are you going to do?” Anya was pushing her back, further away from the room. “Lexa!” 

The doors shut before them, leaving Clarke to her imagination. 

* * *

Anya had moved the SUV around the corner, putting a tactical amount of distance between them and the building, which only served to make Clarke even more anxious. 

Clarke had gone so far as to beg Anya for answers, with hounding questions such as, “ _ Anya? How will Lexa find us?” “Anya, what is Lexa doing to her?” “Anya, she wouldn’t...she’s not...she won’t kill her, right?”  _

Anya didn’t bother to answer, frustrating Clarke to no end. 

They sat in relative silence, Anya checking Raven’s neck for injury, the two of them murmuring things to one another. It was sweet, the way Anya doted on Raven. Raven looked shocked that Octavia was capable of treating them the way that she did. 

It was a clusterfuck, to be sure. 

Clarke found herself muttering. “Something’s not right.” 

“Yeah, Octavia’s batshit crazy, that’s what’s wrong.” Raven sneered disdainfully, and Clarke’s heart ached for her. It was a deeply cutting loss. 

“Do you think Lexa’s okay?” Clarke whispered, leaning her head against the back of the seat in front of her. 

“I wouldn’t worry.” Anya commented, and Clarke let out a sigh of relief when she saw Lexa’s figure appear around the corner, walking with haste. 

“Lexa.” Clarke stepped out of the car, unable to keep herself from bolting to Lexa’s open arms, clinging to her worriedly. 

“I’m okay.” Lexa whispered, voice concerned, brows knitted. “Are you alright, Clarke? Did he hurt you? If he hurt you, I’ll kill-” 

“I’m fine.” Clarke held Lexa tightly against her, unwilling to let go. “What’s happening, Lex?” She murmured. “What did you do? You didn’t...did you?” 

Lexa’s eyes widened slightly. “I didn’t touch her after that.” She promised. “I made sure you were out safely, and I...I offered her a chance to explain. Something was clearly wrong, she was torn up about Lincoln. She’s...I don’t think she’s in control, Clarke.” 

“What do you mean?” Clarke murmured, terror in her voice that made Lexa rub her back soothingly. 

“I think someone is playing with her.” Lexa replied, biting her lip. 

“That...Ilian guy?” Clarke gushed. “Who the fuck was he? And did you hear-” 

“They’re definitely sleeping together.” Anya spoke up from where she’d emerged by the car. “And not to overstep my boundaries, but we  _ are  _ in an...unfavorable place to let our guards down. I recommend talking back at Grounder Corp.” 

Lexa nodded, tossing her the keys. 

Anya caught them, while Lexa ushered Clarke into the car protectively, before climbing into the back herself. 

They took a moment of respite, during the drive. Raven laced her fingers with Anya’s free hand over the gear shift, while Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke in the back seat, keeping her close after what she’d witnessed. 

Any attack on Clarke, even something so minor, was something she couldn’t stand. 

Lexa spoke up, Clarke rapt, listening to every word. 

“I offered her a chance to talk to me, to ask for help. She told me this was the way things had to be, and then I showed myself out.” Lexa replied calmly, clearly pondering the events in her mind. 

“She didn’t try to fight you?” Raven pressed. 

“She was afraid.” Lexa replied knowingly. 

“She thought she could take you.” Clarke murmured, in thought. “Did you see her? She looked like she went to a physical bootcamp. And those tattoos? She looked...just like….well,  _ you. _ ” 

Lexa looked perplexed. “I don’t understand.” She muttered. “Anya, we need to see who’s been scouting and what they’ve heard. Any word from them?” 

“Otan’s memorial service is in a day.” Anya replied somberly, and Lexa glanced up to contain her emotions. 

“Where’s Lincoln?” Clarke muttered, heart breaking. 

“I hope he got far away from her crazy ass.” Raven muttered bitterly, from the front. 

Lexa sighed, kissing Clarke’s temple soothingly. 

“You got us out of there.” Clarke whispered, mostly to Lexa. “Thank you.” 

“Always.” Lexa promised, every ounce of tenderness that she could muster in her voice. 

“You’re a hero.” Clarke told her, cupping her cheek. “I told you. Octavia didn’t stand a chance.” 

“She’s been training.” Anya murmured from the front seat. “She’s weak, mentally. That’s what prevented her from actually harming us.” 

“That’s not weakness. That’s humanity.” Clarke argued. 

“Hesitation, in a moment of crisis? Weakness.” Anya replied, somewhat tersely. “If Lexa had hesitated, we’d all be-” 

“ _ Em pleni.”  _ Lexa replied, an unquestionable tone in her command. “Don’t dwell. It’s done.” 

Still, Lexa tightened her hold around Clarke just a bit, and Clarke leaned into her a little more, basking in the warmth. 

Clarke allowed a fraction of her troubles to melt away from just being in Lexa’s presence. 

They could fix everything, so long as she was leading the charge. Clarke could feel it. 

* * *

Lexa’s building was a welcoming sight as they pulled up in front of it. 

So many memories began to flood Clarke’s mind. 

_ Her first professional job interview with Lexa.  _

_ Saving Lincoln from his bullet wounds.  _

_ Being furious with Ontari for having the courage to kiss Lexa before she did.  _

_ Clarke’s heart racing whenever she caught Lexa’s perfume in the hallway.  _

It was as if she was reliving the last year in her mind. 

Everything, every road, every choice...led her to this. 

And yet, they were back, the threat unknown, the damage still fresh. 

“Where is everyone?” Clarke murmured, Lexa’s arm still tight around Clarke as they stepped out of the car, onto the pavement before the towering building. 

The streets were bustling with all kinds of people, mostly of the suit and tie variety, coffees in hand as they swarmed the business district. 

None of Lexa’s people were in sight. 

“They knew we were coming, right?” Lexa glanced at Anya, who nodded. 

“Stay close.” Lexa murmured, her hand ghosting over her gun as she pushed into the building, past the spot that usually held two of her lookouts. 

The lobby was opulent and full as always, though,  _ too  _ full. Clarke didn’t have time to soak in the decorative lighting fixtures, or the tasteful arrangement of flower vases by the corner. 

Instead, she was greeted with Lexa’s staff, her people, all eerily quiet, pushed back behind the reception desk. 

Lexa’s eyes met with Gustus’, from where he was standing by the elevator. He shook his head vehemently, mouthing, “ _ Run”  _ but it was too late. 

The sound of telltale clicks sounded, and before Lexa could even move, the group was surrounded. 

From behind the door, the corners of the buildings, and the desk itself, an outpouring of men and women, clad in vests and mild tactical gear, began trickling out, their weapons pointed squarely at Lexa, like she was public enemy number one. 

Clarke’s gasp was swallowed by the startled noises her people were making, their eyes wide, fear etched into their expressions. 

The jackets of their assailants read: DEA across the backs with bold lettering. 

From the center of it all, a man led the charge. He held a gun in his hand, but wasn’t entirely focused on aiming it at Lexa. It was more of a cautionary measure, as he approached. 

“Hands up!” He barked, voice reverberating through the building. 

Lexa took a breath, and then slowly raised her arms. 

Anya looked hesitant, but Lexa shook her head. “Do as he says.” She warned firmly. 

Clarke couldn’t believe what was happening. This had always been a nightmare of hers, but she’d never,  _ never  _ expected to face this problem in reality. 

“Alexandria Woods.” The man read aloud, and when Clarke got closer, she was able to make out: Capt. Pike on the corner of his jacket. “You are under arrest for the murder of Nia Queen.” 

He proceeded to read out Lexa’s Miranda rights, cuffs in his hand. 

Clarke was shaking, and all she could gather was Lexa murmuring to her, “It’s okay, Clarke. It’s going to be okay.” 

“Search her.” The man, Pike, motioned, and two of his officers stepped forward, patting Lexa’s body down, stepping away with her gun, her knives, everything on her person. 

“Get her outside. Bring the car forward.” Pike spoke to one man beside him, and he nodded, reaching for Lexa’s shoulders to guide her out. Lexa didn’t struggle, wisely, following as he led her out to the curb, where passersby could see everything. 

Clarke’s heart fell as she moved to follow, but some order was barked at her to freeze, and she had no choice but to watch Lexa as she was lowered to her knees before this horrific Pike character. 

Pike moved to stand squarely in front of Lexa, looking at her dead in the eye. He almost snarled at the way she raised her chin defiantly, the image of elegance and pride. 

“You think you’re some kind of martyr?” He spoke, and his voice was a rumble, yet it was firm, and clear. 

Clarke felt chills go up her arms. 

“You think you’re some kind of hero?” Pike asked, bending over, closing the distance between their faces. “You think, what, because you have some glorified  _ cult  _ of  _ vandals,  _ that you’re a force to be reckoned with?” 

Lexa didn’t break his gaze, aware that nearly all of her people were watching. 

“You know what you are,  _ Woods?” _ He spat out her name like a poison. “You’re  _ weak.  _ You’re  _ selfish.  _ I read, in your file, that you served, huh? The corps, right?” He looked genuinely disgusted, as he spoke to her. “You’re not worthy of the title. That’s a hero’s title, dammit. And you? No, you’re not a hero. You’re scum, who sells drugs, who poisons the youth, who corrupts the city. You’re a disappointment to the corps. You’re a disappointment to your own,  _ deluded  _ people. A life lesson, Woods? The law always wins.” 

Pike leaned back on his heels, eyeing Lexa’s face with a hard stare. 

Clarke’s heart twisted, when she saw the look in Lexa’s eyes. 

He fed off her insecurities, just like that, and  _ broke  _ her. 

Everything she knew was slipping away, so quickly, it was like a nightmare. 

The last thing she remembered was Pike’s uttered, “Take her away”, and the shocked looks on faces as they watched a local hero get spat on and desecrated, and hauled away for good. 


	3. Where Do We Go From Here?

Time moved slowly, when Lexa was shoved against the squad car that pulled up to the front of the building, right in the public eye.

Clarke’s heart was hammering so loudly in her chest, she was sure everyone could it.

Everyone who watched.

Lexa’s people, eyes glazed over, no one daring to open their mouths.

Gustus looked enraged, heavy fists at his side, clenched.

Anya looked cold, calculating.

Lexa spared a moment to flick her gaze at her second.

_Protect Clarke._

Clarke watched, dumbstruck, as Anya gave a single curt nod.

Pike broke the moment like a dagger cutting through flesh, pressing Lexa’s head against the squad car. He leaned close to her ear, his words barely above a feral growl.

“God is watching, Woods.”

Lexa didn’t move, her expression stone cold, as she made eye contact with Clarke, apologetic, before shamefully looking away.

“You believe in God?” Pike almost chuckled, using a little more force than necessary, as Lexa made no move to resist. “No, I wouldn’t wager you do. I think it says something in that book...about killing people. About _gutting_ your enemies on the streets, like a band of savages. Oh, and uh...it also says something about false martyrdom. So I’d keep that mouth of yours shut. Don’t wanna give these sheep the wrong impression.”

Lexa held back the urge to deck him, to throw an elbow at that locked jaw, to shut him up.

But he wasn’t entirely wrong, was he?

No, she’d dug herself into the hole, with whatever delusions she’d had about doing the _right_ thing. There was no right and wrong. She’d drilled that opinion into her head for months. And what for?

To end up in cuffs at the mercy of the state she once served.

It was ironic, not even laughably so.

“Oh, and you mouth one more thing to your... _lieutenant,_ over there, and I’ll make sure your friend, _Clarke,_ is put into a coffin this very evening. You got that?”

Lexa barely nodded, fighting the urge to turn and gut him. All she could do was watch, and she was pushed into the car, the last glance she made in Clarke’s direction.

Her eyes spoke multitudes.

_Don’t panic._

Clarke could read the message incredulously.

How wasn’t she supposed to panic? How wasn’t she supposed to curl up in Lexa’s office and sob until her sentence was over?

Murder? Nia Queen? The DEA?

None of it made any fucking sense.

Octavia, Lincoln, her boyfriend….It didn’t add up.

Clarke felt as if she’d been removed from reality, _her_ reality, and thrown into a mess that she couldn’t begin to fathom.

And now?

Now she was without Lexa.

Her lover, her best friend, her guide.

She was lost, stuck in Lexa’s world, without Lexa herself.

Her nightmares were finally coming to fruition.

“And as for the rest of you!” Pike turned back to the group who’d amassed, watching their icon, their hero, thrown around and reduced to nothing but a failed criminal. He stepped back into the confines of the building, away from any prying eyes, as his people closed off the street, shooing away any witnesses. “Business as usual.” Pike clapped his hands together, eyeing each and every one of them with a wicked look. “I mean it! After all, you’ve got nothing to hide, right? But, I’ll tell you what. The _second_ you think you’ve outsmarted me, and so much as _think_ about resigning...well, take my word for it. Won’t end well. Now, who’s in charge here, when Woods is away?”

Anya made a movement to open her mouth, but Gustus stepped forward, his voice low, cold, unmistakably threatening.

“I am.” He offered, and Anya watched with bated breath.

He was covering for her.

“You are?” Pike almost mocked him.

Lexa was trying desperately to peer over from her seat in the car, but she couldn’t, and it was frustrating the living hell out of her.

“I am.” Gustus replied, a little more than a growl.

“Yeah, and what’s your name, big fella?” Pike smirked.

“Gustus.” He grunted in answer, looking entirely unfazed.

“Gustus…” Pike drawled.

“Just Gustus.” The response was defiant, at best.

Pike smiled. “Alright, _just Gustus._ Since you’re the big man around here, I’m gonna need you to point me out to your _best_ employee.”

“You got somethin’ to say, you say it to me.” Gustus ground out.

Pike lifted a brow. “Oh!” He backtracked, looking surprised. “What was that?”

“You heard me.” Gustus challenged.

Raven watched his movements, slowly wrapping her hand around Clarke’s wrist, tugging her back.

“That’s funny.” Pike grinned, all white teeth. “You think you’re...in a position to be making demands?”

“I-”

“You’re in _fucking trouble.”_ Pike growled, and the sudden change of demeanor gave Clarke and just about everyone else chills. “You’re a fucking criminal, Gus! And me? I’m a cop. You see where this puts us?”

“This is blackmail.” Anya growled. “Extortion. Some sort of sick, twisted-”

Raven stepped on her foot, making her shut up before Pike could hear.

“Now.” Pike growled. “I won’t ask again, Gus. In fact, I guess I’ll pull a name from our records. We have someone in here who goes by the name of  “Ryder?”

“Yeah.” Ryder cleared his throat, stepping forward. “I do.”

“See?” Pike sneered. “Obedience! That’s what I’m talking about! This guy gets it. You wanna humor me, Ryder?”

Ryder nodded slowly, and Clarke watched with wide eyes, as Pike reached for the glock strapped to his hip, and raised it, aiming for Ryder’s head.

Ryder, to his credit, barely flinched, his hands balled into calm fists at his side.

Pike lowered the gun with a chuckle, stepping forward. “Just kidding.” He teased, laughing to himself, as the _family_ stared on in terror.

“Here, man. Hold this for me.” Pike handed the gun to Ryder, the rear of the gun facing him.

Ryder reached out, holding the glock with a familiar grip, sweat beading on his shaved head.

“See, I know the kind of dilemma you’re going through.” Pike explained, as he took a few steps back, even turning his back from Ryder. “That’s a loaded gun in your hands. And you? You’ve been trained to use it. To eliminate _threats._ Not just to yourself, but to your...little…. _gang._ Am I wrong?”

Ryder shook his head, hand shaking slightly as he gripped the gun.

“It’s moments like these that make us, Ryder!” Pike nearly roared, his voice echoing in the grand halls. “You feel that...itch? Heart’s pumping pretty fast, isn’t it? You forgot what that felt like, huh? All that killing you were doing in the streets. All that shooting. Did you forget what it was like to take a human life? It’s tougher now, huh? Knowing you’re gonna be held accountable. I know. Take my advice, son. Lower the gun.”

Ryder blinked, eyes flashing from Gustus, to Anya. Neither of them had a response for him.

He looked like he wanted to be sick, to pass out.

Clarke made a mental note to check on him, when this calmed.

 _If_ it calmed.  

Pike wordlessly reached for his belt, pulling out a gun, with a suppressor in place. Without another word, he outdrew Ryder’s reaction, firing off three rounds dead into Ryder’s chest, sending him flying back into the floor, blood welling from where he was hit.

Gasps and screams of terror filled the air, turning hardened street soldiers into nothing more than cowering victims.

Before anyone could react, Pike’s men were already in the doorway, guns raised.

“Fire, sir?” One of them asked hurriedly.

Pike tsked. “Stole my gun.” He replied with a little smirk, and his officer nodded, gun still trained on the horrified Grounders, kneeling beside Ryder’s body as he struggled to breathe.

“You fucking monster!” Clarke screamed, and Raven held her back.

Pike glanced up from where he’d moved to pick up the gun from Ryder’s grip, laughing. “It’s empty!” He grinned, waving it around for emphasis.

The man was fucking deluded, clearly.

“You.” He eyed Clarke. “Clarke, right? I’ll keep an eye on you. Good work you’re doing here, _Doctor._ And as for my friend,   _Just Gustus-_ I’ll be in touch.”

Pike’s men waited until he was safely out the door before lowering their guns tactically, one by one, and then following suit.

Lexa was screaming inaudibly, her hands shackled as she heard the resonating shots, wondering who it could be, dead on the floor of her building.

_Please, god, not Clarke._

_Anyone but Clarke._

She felt guilty thinking it, but her protectiveness was too damn potent.

Someone was _dead._

Murdered, in cold blood.

And she was stuck in some godforsaken fucking car, rendered absolutely useless to her people, when they needed her the most.

Lexa was shaking, pure adrenaline and absolute rage as she was carted off through the very streets she ran, day in and day out.

Oh, if they wanted a monster?

They were going to get one.

* * *

 

“Dead.” Gustus stepped into Lexa’s office, where Anya and Raven had dragged Clarke, after she’d tried so desperately to save Ryder.

Eventually, it’d been the paramedics who’d taken over, causing yet another scene at the building of already traumatized Grounders, fearing for their lives, their records, their families.

Clarke flinched at the word, and Raven put a calming hand on her shoulder, from where she stood behind the fine leather chair, Lexa’s scent faintly there.

God, what a fucking mess.

Already, Clarke missed Lexa.

She ached for Lexa’s touch, the tight wrap of her arms, the soft kisses she’d press against her temple.

And where was she now?

Some dank cell, in some maximum security prison, no doubt.

Locked up to rot away forever.

And Ryder?

Gone. Gone like Otan, like Costia, like Bellamy, like everyone else who’d dared to set foot in the miserable excuse of this life.

Clarke couldn’t remember much of anything, the moments passing by rapidly as soon as the tires screeched and Lexa’s squad car fled the curb.

_The Grounders were panicked, watching as Clarke had stumbled to Ryder’s heaving figure, struggling to keep him from bleeding out._

_With no equipment, no sanitization, no help…_

_It was almost as if they’d given up on him before he’d even left this world._

_He clutched Clarke’s hand, and though she was a stranger to him, she squeezed it back, because it was what Lexa would have wanted._

_Gustus loomed over him as the paramedics came, hustling through the door._

_It was amazing, to Clarke, the way Pike had them wrapped around his fingers._

_Not once did they ask questions. Not about Ryder, who he was, what had happened...none of it. And when Anya had stepped forward to explain, one of them muttered a hurried, “We are aware, ma’am. Please step back.”_

_Clarke couldn’t believe her eyes, or her ears._

_She couldn’t believe that this level of corruption could even exist._

_What was this about? Why hadn’t it inflicted anyone before? Why now?_

_So many questions raced through Clarke’s head, as Ryder’s inhales grew shallow._

_“Yu gonplei ste odon.” Gustus told him, bowing his head, as Ryder gave a nod, blinking as if trying to stay awake._

_It jarred Clarke, to see Gustus tell him that, while he still had a chance. He was breathing, alive, sacrificed for his people._

_“Don’t say that.” Clarke tsked, eyes brimming with unshed tears. Her hands were bloodied._

_“Ma’am.” One of the paramedics pulled her  back. “We need space.”_

_Clarke felt Gustus pull her backwards, and she went limp as he did so, watching as they hurried Ryder onto the stretcher._

_She knew it as well as anyone else, it was a fool’s errand._

_Ryder would die before they’d even make it to the hospital._

_Clarke couldn’t tell how many moments had passed, then, as she went limp against Gustus, finally allowing her tears to fall. She let the sobs rack her body, shaking her shoulders as she cried._

_She could feel the eyes on her, boring through her, perhaps judging her, maybe even pitying her._

_She couldn’t bring herself to care._

_Without Lexa, there wasn’t a damn point._

_It  was Anya who broke the silence, slipping into her lieutenant form, her voice a little more rocky than usual._

_“You all have things to do!” She snapped. “I….Get to them.”_

_They slowly broke out of their trance, and Clarke remembered leaning heavily on Raven as they walked her up to Lexa’s office, no one daring to speak out over the immensity of what had just transpired._

Clarke let the moments replay in her mind, again and again.

Anya was murmuring something to Raven in the corner, while Gustus moved to fetch the whiteboard they kept in the labs, clearly moving with intent.

Clarke still couldn’t bear to keep her head up. Not yet.

So much had happened, so quickly.

Octavia, Lincoln, Lexa,...Ryder.

It was too much for her exhausted brain to comprehend. She slowly ducked her head into her hands on Lexa’s desk, wishing her girlfriend were there now, to comfort her, to tell her what to do.

* * *

 

_[ Two months prior]_

_“Lex!” Clarke laughed, as Lexa came over to the couch from the kitchen, where she’d been working on dinner._

_Clarke drank in her appearance with a smirk. She  was dressed in a crisp button up, her sleeves rolled, her tattoos peeking out. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, elegant wisps of hair coming loose to frame her face._

_She was breathtaking._

_“Um…” Clarke forgot how to speak, licking her lips._

_“Um…” Lexa mocked, coming to sit beside Clarke, an amused smile on full lips._

_Clarke blushed. “I was laughing at some old pictures I found.”_

_“Pictures of what?” Lexa replied, sliding an arm around Clarke, pulling her closer, ever possessively. Clarke leaned into her touch almost instantly._

_“Us.” Clarke replied. “I forgot that we took a few pictures together when I first started. Linc insisted on it.”_

_Clarke pulled up the photo, and sure enough, Clarke and Lexa were standing in Lexa’s office, standing awkwardly apart, Clarke in her lab coat, and Lexa in her suit._

_Lexa made a face. “We aren’t very close.”_

_“You threatened to kill me, probably.” Clarke snorted._

_Lexa rolled her eyes. “That’s how you know I like you.”_

_Clarke smirked. “Did you ever formally apologize for hazing me?”_

_Lexa kissed her smirk. “I bought you this...estate.”_

_“...Fair enough.” Clarke replied, moving to straddle Lexa. “Now I get to boss you around.” She teased, moving to cup Lexa’s cheeks._

_“Absolutely.” Lexa replied softly, arms tightening around Clarke’s waist._

_“Was it me, or was our first interview….really laced with sexual tension?” Clarke recalled. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to jump my bones or kill me.”_

_Lexa laughed, fingers sliding up Clarke’s shirt. “I’ll admit...there was tension there. You were intriguing.”_

_Clarke smiled, pecking her cheek. “Look at us now.”_

_“Look at us now.” Lexa echoed softly, tracing circles into Clarke’s bare skin._

_“I hope you know, Alexandria Anastasia Woods, I want the full package.” Clarke teased. “I want to be married, a blistering hot honeymoon, and then….children?” She tried softly._

_Lexa’s eyes twinkled, and she looked elated at the idea._

_Clarke’s heart hammered in her chest._

_“That sounds like heaven.” Lexa replied softly. “I’d love nothing more.”_

_Lexa’s confirmation fixed a permanent grin to Clarke’s face as she kissed Lexa, sighing softly against her lips._

_“I love you.” Clarke murmured, pressing her forehead to Lexa’s._

_“I love you, too.” Lexa answered immediately, rubbing Clarke’s back._

_“You...feel like home.” Clarke admitted, kissing a bare spot against her neck._

_Lexa closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of Clarke, unwinding in a state of euphoria._

_“You too.”_

* * *

 

“Enough.” A firm but sympathetic whisper sounded as Clarke lifted her head from where it was buried in her arms on Lexa’s desk.

Clarke felt her chair spin, and Raven nudged her way in between Clarke’s legs. Clarke opened her eyes to see Raven, on her knees, in an attempt to be eye-to-eye with Clarke.

Clarke’s eyes were red-rimmed and teary, her expression exhausted.

Lexa, Lexa, Lexa.

Her future was Lexa, the present was Lexa, everything was Lexa.

And Lexa was gone.

She hadn’t planned for this.

“Griff.” Raven tsked, cupping her cheeks.

Anya watched curiously from where she stood in the corner of the room, with Gustus.

“C’mon.” Raven coaxed. “You’re being weak.”

“Well….Excuse me!” Clarke let out a snarl she’d been holding back, and her voice rose more and trembled less. She swallowed the bile in her throat.

“That’s my girl.” Raven murmured. “Why are you crying?”

“Why-”

“And before you sass me, Griff, let me finish. Why are you crying when you _know_ it won’t do you any damn good?”

Clarke closed her eyes, tilting her head back for a moment, as if asking whatever was left of God for a moment of grace.

“Raven. She’s gone.”

“She isn’t dead.”

Clarke gritted her teeth. “How can you be okay? _You,_ of all people?”

Raven didn’t flinch at the implications, knowing better than to hold Clarke accountable for her poorly thought out words at a time like this.

“Griffin.” Raven sighed, cupping her cheeks, trying to console her in the best way she knew how. “We have to be strong.”

“Why?” Clarke sighed.

“Why?” Raven echoed indignantly. “Because nothing is right, Clarke. Someone is _fucking_ with us. You’re just gonna sit back and take that?”

“Rae, what choice do we have?” Clarke whimpered. “Did you see the way he just…. _shot_ Ryder? For what?”

Raven sighed, brushing a tear away. “No.” She decided.

“No, what?”

“No. It doesn’t end like this. Not for us.” Raven ground out.

“Us? What makes us so special?” Clarke sighed.

“We’re fighters.” Raven murmured. “You and I. All of us. Did I fucking drag my ass away from everything we had with Bellamy, to back Woods and her people, for this? Fuck no I didn’t. Did you and I watch over Octavia after every drunk night, every brawl, every suck fest with Lincoln, for _this?_ Did I fucking lose half the functionality in my leg for this?”

“Rae, we didn’t choose this…” Clarke licked her lips. “It just happened.”

“Right, well, I’m tired of shit happening to me!” Raven growled. “Get up, Clarke. You want something? You fight for it. You tell me that after everything Woods has done to protect your ass, you’re gonna sit here and bitch about it? Instead of pursuing this?”

Clarke’s jaw locked in anger, and she knew, in her heart of hearts, Raven was right.

“You know what, Griff?” Raven pressed. “Like it or not, you’re an icon to these people. And they’re scared, like us, and they’re hurting, like us. So you need to wipe up the tears, roll up your sleeves, and get to the bottom of this. Okay? I’m here. Anya’s bitchy, but she’s here.” Clarke let out a messy laugh at that.

“Gustus is here. Your Grounders are here. Something is clearly fucking wrong, but I’ll be damned if I just sit around and watch it happen.” Raven finished softly.

“You….” Clarke took a breath, trying to school her expression. “You’re handling this better than I thought.”

Raven looked guilty, glancing back behind her at Anya momentarily, then back to Clarke.

“Yeah, well. I’m so fucked up that I seem to snap into place when I’m surrounded by fucked up things. Better than playing house.”

“You weren’t-”

“Not the time.” Raven amended, extending her arm out to Clarke. “Get up, Griff. World needs you.”

Clarke accepted her hand, and in that second, she decided to let the tears stay behind. They wouldn’t do much good except blur her vision, and she wanted to see what was coming.

“Fuck yeah.” She heard Raven mumble in approval. “He called us godless gangsters, right? Might as well live up to it.”

* * *

 

“Line up the evidence.” Anya murmured, watching as Gustus pinned picture after picture to the other side of the whiteboard.

It was beginning to look like a conspiracy theory, and Clarke was starting to believe that was exactly what they were caught up in.

“Okay, go over what we have.” Anya directed, leaning back against the window.

Clarke, on the other hand, knew what she had to do.

She had made a beeline for the phone, going to call the one person who, in some sense, had thrown her in Lexa’s lap.

Marcus Kane.

Lexa’s best lawyer.

It was friday, and while she hadn’t expected him to be in, she’d made sure to call his personal cell phone, knowing full well that Lexa was given that privilege, being one of his best clients.

The phone rang once, twice, as Clarke’s eyes raked the cityscape view from Lexa’s office.

She was trying her best to keep calm.

For Lexa.

The phone rang, and rang, and rang.

Right as Clarke was giving up hope, a voice answered the phone.

A woman’s voice, surprisingly.

“Lexa, honey? Is that you?”

Abby?

No, it couldn’t be.

“Mom?” Clarke gaped, the voice unmistakable in her ears.

“Clarke?” Abby gasped. “You’re in D.C?”

“Mom.” Clarke’s voice threatened to break. “Why...are you answering Kane’s phone?”

Abby took a breath. “Clarke, remember my um...lawyer boyfriend that I mentioned over the-”

“Good god.” Anya muttered as she finally took pity on Clarke.

She snatched the phone out of Clarke’s hand, pitying her awestruck expression.

“Doctor Griffin, this is Anya. There have been several incidents, and to be brief, Lexa has been arrested. I need Kane on the phone immediately, please.”

Clarke could hear the resounding, “ _What?!”_ On the other end of the line, and shuffled away,  her face in her hands.

Anya moved to the adjoining office, voice a low tone.

“Focus.” Raven reminded, nodding to the board.

“My girlfriend was arrested, I just witnessed a murder, and my mom is fucking the lawyer we’re going to use. Awesome.” Clarke mumbled.

“One of these is not like the others.” Raven mused.

Gustus cleared his throat, and Clarke glanced at him. “Hey, Gustus...thank you for helping me, down there. And taking the fall for Anya. That was very brave.”

Gustus smiled only a little bit, barely there, and Clarke fought the urge to gasp. “ _Monin hou, Klark.”_ He grumbled, and Clarke tilted her head, eyes twinkling.

“ _Mochof, Gostos.”_

Raven made a face at the trigedasleng, years of rivalry clearly tensing her up at the mere sound of the language.

Clarke elbowed her, smiling sadly up at Gustus.

“Your accent is better.” He offered. “You have been practicing.”

Clarke thought of her practices with Lexa, and her heart sank into her gut.

* * *

 

_“Ai laik Klark, kom...Tondisi.” she sat across Lexa at the small table they had in their yard, Fish panting happily beneath their feet._

_“Good.” Lexa purred, leaning forward, propped up by her elbow. Clarke mirrored the movement, eager to please._

_“Ai hod yu in.” Clarke added, and Lexa’s smirk grew, lush lips inviting._

_“Ai hod yu in seinteim, niron.”_

_“Smuch ai...op.” Clarke fumbled over the words for a moment, and gave Lexa a lazy, beautiful grin._

_Lexa leaned forward, stealing a kiss, teasingly tugging in Clarke’s lower lip between her teeth._

_“Mou. beja.” Clarke forgot she was even speaking another language, her focus entirely on Lexa._

_“Mou?” Lexa teased, rising from her seat._

_Clarke made a movement to get up, to follow her, and Lexa swept Clarke up effortlessly, Clarke laughing in surprise as she clung tightly to her._

_“I have never heard trigedasleng more beautiful than when you speak it.” Lexa spoke softly, reverently._

_Clarke blushed. “I butcher it, Lex.”_

_“To butcher something is to try it without any effort. You should see your face, your eyes, when you’re searching for the right word. It’s beautiful.”_

_Clarke’s cheeks were burning red by this point. “You think it’s beautiful when I stumble over words like a two year old just learning to talk?”_

_“I think everything about you is breathtaking.” Lexa shrugged as best she could, and Clarke was once again swooning for the slightly older girl._

_“I like learning it.” Clarke murmured. “Makes me feel closer to you.”_

_Lexa smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to Clarke’s lips. “You are the closest person in my life, Clarke.”_

_At that, Clarke smiled, bringing a hand up to tuck away a ringlet curl behind Lexa’s ear. “Plus, you never know when I’ll need it. I could rule by your side, Heda and Wanheda.”_

_Lexa smiled, but part of it was grave. “Clarke, if I ever put you in that danger, I’d deserve to die.”_

_Clarke smacked her arm. “Would that be so awful? Me going back with you, I mean.”_

_Lexa sighed, carrying her into the house. “No. Quite the contrary, Clarke, I think you’d make an amazing leader. I’m too afraid to lose you.”_

_“You won’t.” Clarke reaffirmed softly. “But….enough of that. Bed. Now.”_

_“Sha, Wanheda.” Lexa spoke in a faux serving tone, like a bodyguard, and Clarke melted, laughing as they barely made it halfway up the stairs before they were collapsed in a heap, kissing the evening away._

* * *

“Kane will be here in five.” Anya affirmed. “He and Abby…” She glanced apologetically at Clarke, “-Are coming here now.”

Clarke made a face but nodded.

Lexa’s well being was the only thing that mattered, and Kane was a damn good way to ensure it.

And, honestly, she could use her mother’s support, given their new trusting relationship since the fallout of the previous year.

“So.” Anya gestured to the three of them. “What do we have?”

Clarke licked her lips. “Well, first and foremost, Lincoln is...M.I.A. We can obviously gather that Octavia’s weird threatening behavior is due to this.”

Raven nodded. “Before we got here, Octavia’s people murdered Grounders, and a few others from the other eleven gangs. They were all apparently uncalled for, and ambushes. So she’s been lashing out at...everyone. Which rules out any alliances with any other gangs…”

“Unless they killed some of their own to cover up.” Gustus rumbled. “Some of these groups have no honor.”

Anya tsked. “Not as likely, but...we’ll keep it in mind.”

Clarke took a breath. “And then...Well, we ran what we could on Pike. He’s protected by the government, there’s not too much on him. High up in the DEA...set to give a speech tomorrow, alongside the mayor. So...he’s high profile.”

Clarke stared at his picture, pinned up against the board, and wished it was actually him, being crucified like that.

Who did he think he was?

All notions of him being logical and guided by morality were thrown out the window with his little stunt with Ryder, and apparently, he had men more than willing to lie for him.

“There’s Octavia’s boytoy.” Raven chimed in. “His name is Ilian Royce. Get this- He’s DEA, too. Not just any cop. And Octavia is _fucking_ him. None of this adds up. Why is she shacking up with the pigs?”

“Maybe they killed Lincoln.” Realization dawned on Clarke. “Maybe they’re...threatening her, now? She didn’t look like she was wholeheartedly playing along…”

“Lincoln is dead?” Anya murmured, in a rare moment of sorrow. “I…”

Raven’s jaw locked. “These motherfuckers have been playing us like a goddamn game of chess.”

“No.” Clarke murmured. “In chess, you’re supposed to anticipate these movements. We didn’t even know we were playing.”

“Why now?” Gustus sounded, looking deep in thought. “The DEA has been on our trail for years, never striking. Our local authorities have been paid, it isn’t as if we forgot to make a monthly payment. What changed?”

Clarke shook her head. “I….I don’t know. Why Lexa?”

“Queen bee.” Anya answered. “She is by far the most powerful. We should gather the other leaders next. I’d wager their lives are at stake, too.”

“Okay. How do we do that?” Clarke mused. “Lexa said they kill on sight.”

“...They do.” Anya grimaced.

“Great.” Clarke sighed. “We warn them, we die. We don’t, they die.”

“Sounds like an easy choice to me.” Raven mumbled.

“And in the meantime.” Gustus rubbed his beard. “Pike said to keep _all_ operations going.”

“Even…” Clarke trailed off.

“Even illegal activity.” Gustus confirmed. “Why not take us all in? That would be the bust of the century.”

“Maybe Pike isn’t interested in glory?” Raven tried. “Maybe he wants...leverage. Knock down Lexa, and he has the strongest Gang at his mercy.”

“That...makes sense.” Clarke nodded. “Since when does the D.E.A handle murder charges? And how the fuck did he find out about Nia?”

Anya nodded, eyes narrowed. “This has Roan’s name all over it.” She growled. “That fucking weasel.”

“May I enter?” A voice sounded from the doorway, and they all turned to find Kane standing there, looking ever formal in his suit, Abby by his side.

“Marcus.” Anya dipped her head, allowing him in.

“Can you trust him?” Raven caught Anya’s wrist, looking doubtful.

Anya nodded. “He knows everything. Don’t worry.”

Raven nodded and released her .

Clarke, on the other hand, made a beeline for her mother, the two meeting in a tense hug.

“Are you okay?” Abby whispered, as she leaned back to get a look at Clarke’s face.

Clarke bit her lip, trying to hold back her emotions as she nodded.

“Clarke, listen to me. We’re here for you, okay?” Abby murmured. “Marcus and I...and everyone else. We’re going to _fix_ this, okay? I’m here.”

Clarke nodded, closing her eyes and breathing in her mother’s relaxing scent, trying to calm herself.

* * *

 

“Alright, now that we’ve gone over everything…” Kane turned to the group, all sitting in chairs in Lexa’s office, watching the dusky sky loom over the city. “I’ve made some calls.”

Clarke sat, rapt, as Abby rubbed her back comfortingly.

“This is definitely meddling of some sort.” Kane confirmed. “Lexa _was_ to be held in a maximum security facility, but that is no longer the case.”

“Maximum security? Already? Before her hearing?!” Anya demanded.

Kane nodded. “That _was_ the case, but of course, that’s unlawful-”

“This happens a lot?” Clarke gasped.

Kane nodded once more. “Yes, given that some of these criminals have no knowledge of the system, and their rights. They’re _supposedly_ informed of it, but…” He shook his head.

“Where will she be held?” Anya demanded.

“County jail. I’ve arranged for a... _special_ visit tomorrow afternoon. Best I could do, but it’s more than the other inmates get. It’s...relatively private. I can bring one other “legal aid” with me.”

Clarke and Anya glanced at each other, and Anya licked her lips, dropping her gaze.

“Go, Griffin. She’ll need you. But I expect you’ll relay her orders to me, verbatim.”

Clarke nodded, jaw locked.

“And, please, do _not_ try to sneak in something for Woods.” Marcus sighed. “That never works.”

Clarke nodded once more, glancing down.

“I’ll be in touch tomorrow.” Marcus finished. He glanced at Clarke with a small smile. “I wouldn’t worry too much, Griffin. There’s foul play here. And I never lose.”

Clarke nodded, blowing out a puff of air.

“Where will you be staying?” Abby inquired gently.

“Lexa’s place.” Clarke murmured. “Indra’s still there, right?”

Anya nodded affirmatively.

“Then you have nothing to worry about. I need...rest. Can I at least...call Lexa?” Clarke murmured.

Kane shook his head. “She’s not even processed, at the moment. Normally you wouldn’t be allowed a visit so soon, but I had a few friends willing to pull some strings. Lexa had quite a sparkling reputation, here in D.C. That helped.”

“Not so sparkly anymore.” Raven sighed, leaning her head back against the window.

What a clusterfuck.

* * *

 

Lexa was trying to gather her bearings, as best she could, given that her life was completely unraveled in a matter of hours.

Her mind was buzzing, numb and beaten, wondering _who_ Pike had fired at, right before they’d driven away.

She hadn’t seen Pike after that, either. She’d been taken to some county jail, by the looks of it, a far cry from the institution she figured Pike would try to put her in.

It was disconcerting, the way in which she’d been “processed”.

Two of Pike’s men had practically interrogated her, asking her all kinds of questions.

The questions weren’t relevant to Nia Queen, at all.

In fact, her name never came up.

She’d been asked about the other “affiliations” on the street, their leaders. She’d been asked about what kind of narcotics they’d been pushing, about how much they’d made.

The questions didn’t appear to be coming from a place of justice at all, and it only made Lexa wonder what the fuck was going on, even more so than before.

She was afraid.

Not for herself, no.

But for her people.

The people that she promised a bright future to, the people that she saved.

The people who _weren’t_ supposed to be shot dead on the floor of her building.

And then, of course, Clarke.

_Clarke._

Her heart flipped over every time she thought about her girlfriend.

Was she the one who was gunned down?

Lexa was sure she’d grit her teeth hard enough to break them, the more she thought about it.

She remained silent, as best she could, trying to guess what was happening on the outside world, her world.

Anya had no doubt called Marcus.

That was likely why she wasn’t dead yet.

She wondered what affiliation Octavia had in any of this, considering that she was left out of their questioning, despite being the head of the next largest gang.

Had Octavia sold them out?

Is that why she was safe?

Had she slept with that Ilian boy as a sort of failsafe?

So many questions unanswered. She tried to ignore the disgust she felt at the orange jumpsuit she was given to wear.

She’d served her time, for this country. She fought and bled for that godforsaken flag.

And yet, she blamed herself, walking back into the web of lies and deception in D.C.

She was a fool, thinking she could get away, quite literally, with murder.

These thoughts haunted her, drilling into her skull with each heavy footstep as she walked, hands still bound, sandwiched between two guards.

They were walking her to her _cell._

Twenty-four hours ago, she’d been sleeping with Clarke, in their mansion, away from all of this.

And, like an idiot, she’d stormed in on the scene, guns blazing, ready to save her people.

She couldn’t even save herself.

It was almost as if she could hear the voices in her head, taunting her, calling her name. _Woods. Woods._

What would her mother and father say?

What did Clarke think?

“Woods!”

This time the cry was not in her mind, rather, from the bustling group of inmates beside them, a gaggle of tattooed women, each looking fiercer than the next.

Some of which she recognized.

Lexa’s eyes met with a familiar pair, and her eyes widened, almost failing to recognize the girl, her face scarred, cut up.

Suddenly she was thrown back against the wall.

“You son of a bitch!” Ontari Queen was screaming in her face, pulled back by fellow inmates, screaming at the commotion.

The guards escorting Lexa pulled their batons, gritting their teeth and throwing themselves at Ontari, barely recognizable, like a feral dog.

“I’m going to fucking kill you in your sleep, Woods!” Ontari hissed at her, and all Lexa could do with her hands bound was keep Ontari back with her knee.

“Enough, inmate.” The second guard demanded. “Get moving. Nothing to see here.”

When the girls stared on, Lexa realized that they were _all_ Azgeda, their cuts festering, bubbled skin inflamed on their faces.

All of them, too many to count.

All poised to kill Lexa.

Oh, fuck.

 


	4. Take the Helm

It rained on the drive back to the Woods estate. 

By the time Clarke had left Grounder Corp, the clouds had moved in, claiming the dark velvet of the night sky for their own, and pellets of rain began to shower the streets. 

Clarke was escorted by nothing short of an entourage to one of the SUV’s parked in the back, Gustus himself taking the helm. 

And frankly, Clarke wasn’t in the mood to argue. 

She’d asked once, very quietly, “Can I go alone?” 

To which Gustus had replied, “You know the answer to that.” 

And that was the end of it. 

He’d dismissed Anya and Raven, and Clarke bid Kane and Abby a farewell, albeit a hasty one. 

Abby had followed, begging Clarke to stay with her, but Clarke shook her off. 

She wanted to be alone. 

No, she wanted Lexa. 

But being alone was the next best thing. 

Gustus and two of his people took her in the car, Clarke in the rear. 

She made out the blurred city lights, the tiny illuminated drops of rain that dripped down the tinted windows. 

She sighed, pressing her forehead to the cool glass, closing her eyes and listening to the rain pouring down. 

It took her back almost instantly. 

* * *

 

_ Making her way out the front door, Clarke hardly saw the dark, coat clad figure, toting an umbrella, that was directly in her path. The two collided, and the umbrella was swept away by the wind, leaving both of them utterly exposed to the pouring rain. _ __  
__  
_ Clarke slipped backwards, and this time her fellow companion did as well, but before she could fall completely, they caught each other’s arms almost instinctively, pulling each other upright. _ __  
__  
_ Clarke looked at the now rapidly soaking figure before her. Makeup faded, but present. Brunette locks with picturesque water droplets hanging off the tips. Full lips pulled into a smile. _ __  
__  
_ Lexa Woods was home. _ __  
__  
_ “Clarke? Are you-!” Lexa never finished her statement. Instead she was yanked into a tight embrace by Clarke, who’d been possessed by a demon of affection, it seemed. _ __  
__  
_ “You’re back!” Clarke grinned, taking a step back. She blinked a few times, and Lexa admired the way the water droplets clung to her eyelashes like diamond drops of dew on the morning leaves. _ __  
__  
_ “I am.” Lexa didn’t mind how soaked she was. She was still burning from Clarke’s sudden burst of affection. “You’re here so late.” She commented unsurely. _ __  
__  
_ Clarke’s cheeks turned crimson. “I uh…forgot something, in my office.” That wasn’t suspicious. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be showing Ontari around?” Clarke couldn’t help the edge that seeped into her voice. _ __  
__  
_ “Ontari?” Lexa raised a perfectly sculpted brow. “How did you….Nia.” Her lips were pursed into a thin, grim line. _ __  
__  
_ Clarke looked abashed for a moment. She didn’t have to go around saying that. That was so…petty. “She kind of…scared me.” Clarke admitted. _ __  
__  
_ Lexa’s verdant gaze clouded with anger. Her muscles tensed under her coat. It was a marvel. “Did she touch you?” _ __  
__  
_ “What?” Clarke looked surprised. Nia was capable of arousing fear in Clarke, but never fear of physical offense. _ __  
__  
_ “Did she hurt you, Clarke? Threaten you? In my building? ” Lexa’s jaw set. “I swear, I’ll have her-” _ __  
__  
_ “Lexa!” Clarke interrupted her swell of anger. She put a gentle hand on Lexa’s cheek, and immediately felt the burn. She wasn’t sure if it was her skin, or Lexa’s, but it was oh so warm, and soft. “I’m fine.” She spoke over the pouring of the rain, forgetting entirely about the awning behind them, just a mere two or three feet away. “She didn’t do anything, and I’m fine.” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa gave her a faint smile against her palm, and Clarke withdrew it slowly. Lexa looked as though she missed the contact as much as Clarke did. _ __  
__  
_ “I was just coming in to go over a few files.” Lexa spoke in a husky, low voice. “But I have a better idea.” _ __  
__  
_ Clarke felt her knees buckle. “Yeah?” _ __  
__  
_ “I’m going to take you out. Tonight. I’ll give you an hour to go get ready…” Lexa murmured, an amused smirk threatening to spill over her features. “And then, you’re mine, for the evening.” _ __  
__  
_ “I…uh…” Clarke stuttered. “Yeah.” She blinked, raindrops spilling onto her cheeks. “Yeah. Okay.” _ __  
__  
_ “And Clarke.” Lexa pulled her right up against her chest, and the turned. She stepped inside the building, reaching around the door for something, and then stepped out once more. Clarke was so busy trying to remember how to breathe that she didn’t notice what was in Lexa’s hand. _ __  
__  
_ “Hmm?” was all Clarke could manage, inches away from her lips. Those lips. She eyed them, licking her own, when she felt something long pressed into her hand. _ __  
__  
_ “Try not to get wet.” Lexa’s voice was barely above a whisper as she handed Clarke a new umbrella, turning without another word, and shutting the heavy door behind her. _ __  
_  
_ __ Clarke was stunned.

* * *

For a moment, Clarke laughed softly, without a single sound, against the glass.

She’d been  _ so  _ excited to see Lexa, she’d thrown her arms around her and cuddled a mobster. 

And the way Lexa reacted…

Despite what happened on the first “date” (if one could call it that, after being drugged and kidnapped), Clarke had  _ felt  _ something. 

When she learned that Lexa was just protecting her people, she forgave. 

And eventually, she learned to love. 

She saw the  _ good  _ in Alexandria Woods. 

A feat that many found impossible, because of her prowess, her occupation. 

But Clarke saw the woman beneath the facade, the rough exterior woven to keep her mind focused, her heart guarded. 

And god, Lexa was  _ good.  _

Lexa soft, so gentle, careful to never lay a hand on Clarke in the slightest threatening way. She cared for each and every one of her people, knew them by name, treated them with like human beings. 

And the treatment Lexa received today? 

A veteran, a hero, a leader. Kicked into the dirt, berated in front of everyone. Made to look like the scum of the Earth. Stamped out like a worn cigarette by the heel of Pike’s boot. 

Clarke bit her lip, so much that she hadn’t realized that she’d drawn blood. 

Her heart was aching, pulling, burning. 

Who the fuck did he think he was? 

“Don’t think.” 

A voice roused Clarke from her thoughts, and she glanced up, catching Gustus’ gaze from the rearview mirror, partially illuminated by a passing streetlamp. 

“Don’t think.” Gustus repeated, voice gravelly. It conveyed little to no emotion, but Clarke swore she heard a little empathy coming through the rumbling. “Clear your mind.” 

“I can’t.” Clarke sighed, suddenly broken. “I...I mean, what happened back there, Gustus? One moment we were-” 

“You know.” Gustus interrupted, pulling a right turn with ease. “Heda would meditate.” 

Clarke paused, unsure if she should have been taken aback by the information. 

She wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen it, though she may have. Everything was fuzzy. Her thoughts, her memories, everything. 

She could envision it, nonetheless. Vividly. 

Lexa, sitting in the center of the yard, facing the lake. 

The small ripples of waves lapping at her, silently sloshing against the sandy shores. 

Her mind was reeling, as if creating memories she’d never experienced.

* * *

 

_ “Lex?” Clarke called, stepping out into the yard. She walked carefully, painfully aware of the sound of her boots, crunching against the leaves lining the garden, fallen from the hedges. _

_ She hugged her arms, the evening breeze a bit stronger than usual.  _

_ As she approached, she found what she was looking for.  _

_ Out by the willow tree, Lexa was sitting on a little mat.  _

_ Her back was perfectly straight.  _

_ She sat, facing the waves, unmoving. Her legs were folded, her palms face down, resting on the tops of her knees.  _

_ Clarke’s breath hitched a little, and she took in her girlfriend for a moment.  _

_ Her features were soft and stoic all at once. Her eyes were closed, her lips never pursed, never moving.  _

_ Her brows were soft, not knitted, not furrowed in concentration.  _

_ She looked almost child-like, suddenly innocent, incapable of anything other than being.  _

_ Here, there was no blood on Lexa’s hands, no pain etched into her features. Her wise and vibrant green eyes were closed, and she had no frown lines at all.  _

_ She looked ethereal, the way her brunette halo of hair waved slightly in the breeze behind her.  _

_ Clarke drank it all in, greedily, drunk off the sight.  _

_ It made her heart hammer so hard she was sure Lexa could hear it.  _

_ She took a quiet breath, with all the silence she could muster, and turned to leave.  _

_ One word from Lexa’s lips kept her at bay.  _

_ “Stay.” It was so quiet, so vulnerable, that Clarke almost teared up.  _

_ “How’d you hear me?” Clarke settled for sighing amusedly instead, turning back to make her way over.  _

_ Lexa gave her a playful little smirk.  _

_ Clarke rolled her eyes and sat beside her.  _

_ “Well, that’s annoying.” Clarke grumbled. _

_ “What is, Clarke?”  _

_ Klark. The way she rolled Clarke’s name off her tongue would forever be one of Clarke’s favorite sounds in the universe.  _

_ “The way you’re...omniscient.” Clarke settled, leaning against her.  _

_ Lexa smiled, and shucked off the light shawl she wore, draping it over Clarke’s shoulders.  _

_ Clarke sighed, leaning over to kiss her cheek.  _

_ Lexa leaned into the kiss, closing her eyes for a moment, savoring it.  _

_ “I’m not omniscient.” Lexa argued softly.  _

_ “How’d you know I was cold, then?” Clarke scoffed.  _

_ “Clarke, omniscience is being all-knowing. What I do is different. I listen. I observe.” Lexa countered.  _

_ “Sure.” Clarke teased. “So if I wanted to throw you a surprise party…” She drawled.  _

_ “Tell me the date, and I’ll make sure to busy myself with other things.” Lexa grinned, and Clarke laughed, leaning into Lexa’s open arm.  _

_ “Where’s Fish?” Clarke asked softly.  _

_ “Sleeping in the study. He likes it in there.” Lexa replied.  _

_ “Omniscient.” Clarke prodded.  _

_ “Observant.” Lexa murmured.  _

_ “So, I’ve really become a trophy wife, huh?” Clarke teased. “Or, trophy girlfriend.”  _

_ “Why is that?” Lexa frowned, and Clarke wanted to retract her statement, just to set it right.  _

_ “I give you such bad migraines that you need to come out here to escape.” Clarke laughed.  _

_ Lexa tsked. “If I wanted to escape, I’d be...what’s the term...cracking open a cold one with the boys?”  _

_ Clarke gaped. “Look at you, trying to be a civilian. I love it, it’s terrible.”  _

_ Lexa gave her a little smile, and then glanced back at the lake, ahead.  _

_ “I can go inside, Lex. I know you’re meditating.” Clarke offered.  _

_ Lexa shook her head, eyes never leaving the gentle ripples. “I apologize, I should have invited you.”  _

_ Clarke laughed softly, and Lexa’s heart fluttered at the sound. “Invited me? This is your time. I get that.”  _

_ Lexa made a noise of refusal. “I come out here to...clear my mind. To relax. I think it would be easier if you were with me.”  _

_ “Do I bore you, Woods?” Clarke murmured, squeezing her thigh gently.  _

_ “Hardly.” Lexa smiled. “I just think...I don’t have to worry about you if you’re right beside me.” _

_ “You worry?”  _

_ “All the time.” Lexa confessed. “Not...because of you, but…”  _

_ “You’re still traumatized.” Clarke whispered, stroking her cheek.  _

_ “You’re here because of me.” Lexa whispered back, sounding almost shameful.  _

_ “Listen to yourself.” Clarke nudged her. “I’m here, and alive, because of you.”  _

_ “You wouldn’t ever have been in danger if-”  _

_ “Lexa. Stop trying to paint yourself as the villain of this story, okay? You’re not. You’re a hero. And I’m going to need you to start believing in that, okay?” Clarke almost begged.  _

_ Lexa didn’t answer, chewing on her lip slightly.  _

_ Clarke leaned forward, grabbing her forearm. She’d wound Lexa up all over again. She needed to undo this mess she was creating before she ruined Lexa’s chance at relaxation.  _

_ “Lex.” She spoke softly, affectionately.  _

_ Lexa glanced up at her.  _

_ “Can you show me how?” Clarke asked softly.  _

_ Lexa blinked once, virid eyes focusing on Clarke.  _

_ “When did you start?” Clarke asked, motioning to her mat.  _

_ Lexa nodded, gaze settling back ahead. “I started when I was seven.”  _

_ Clarke froze. “Seven?” She asked curiously. “Doesn’t a seven year old have a lot of energy?”  _

_ Lexa smiled. “Perhaps that’s why my father taught me.” She shrugged. “I would fidget, at first. But eventually, I found it relaxing. There wasn’t much on my mind to clear, per se. But when I grew, it became more useful.”  _

_ Clarke nodded, trying to envision a young Lexa, all prim and proper, meditating with her father.  _

_ “He would tell me to find a place I liked.” Lexa remarked, looking thoughtful. “I liked to climb our roof. He wasn’t too fond of that. Indra would chase me, but…” She trailed off with a wistful smile.  _

_ Clarke was enraptured.  _

_ Lexa glanced at Clarke. “You’ll want to straighten up.” She murmured, sliding a hand to Clarke’s lower back. _

_ Clarke allowed Lexa to guide her.  _

_ “Now, relax your shoulders.” Lexa whispered, her fingers ghosting their way up Clarke’s back.  _

_ “Beautiful.” Lexa praised. “Tuck your chin.”  _

_ Clarke did as she was told, trying not to respond too much to Lexa’s touch.  _

_ “Perfect. Don’t grit your teeth.” Lexa nudged her.  _

_ “I’m trying not to react to your touch.” Clarke mumbled.  _

_ Lexa smiled and breathed out a soft chuckle, kissing Clarke’s shoulder. “I’ll be here after.”  _

_ Clarke smiled at that, and took a breath.  _

_ “Now, rest your gaze a little ahead, but don’t close your eyes completely.”  _

_ “But you-”  _

_ “I have a little more practice, Clarke.” Lexa replied amusedly. “Just listen.”  _

_ “Right. Sorry.”  _

_ “Don’t focus on anything. Just glance loosely, and breathe easily. At first, you can pay mind to slowing your breathing, but after a while, it will come naturally. Your mind...floats.”  _

_ “To...what exactly?”  _

_ “Nothing. That’s the point.”  _

_ Clarke looked unsure.  _

_ Lexa regarded her with a glance. “Are you afraid of what your mind will wander to?”  _

_ “...possibly.”  _

_ “That’s normal, too. I’m here.” Lexa reminded once more. “Are you ready?” Lexa got into position herself.  _

_ Clarke nodded once.  _

_ “Alright. Let’s start.” Lexa offered, taking a breath.  _

_ Clarke couldn’t remember how long had passed, after that.  _

_ It was as if time had stopped entirely, and she was with Lexa, yet somehow alone.  _

_ It was like a dream that featured nothing, a sort of calming haze that simply took over her entire being.  _

_ Sure enough, Lexa was right.  _

_ Slowly, as the time passed, and the breeze caressed her shoulders, she found her breathing to be soft and even, her posture effortlessly still, her gaze not wandering nor locked on anything in particular.  _

_ Clarke felt herself floating away.  _

* * *

 

“Clarke.” Gustus’ voice roused her, and suddenly, she was back in the car, rain pelting down on him as he held an umbrella up. He was at her door, opened now, ready to escort her into the Woods estate. 

Outside the car, his people were armed, watching like hawks for even the slightest sign of trouble. 

Clarke thanked him softly as she grabbed her bag before he could take it, wearing it over her shoulder. 

“Come. Indra is waiting by the door.” Gustus murmured as he walked her past the cobblestone driveway, back under the awning where Indra stood, her gun visible in its holster under her coat. 

“Clarke.” She greeted, and Clarke nodded in response. She glanced up, watching the way drop after drop of water fell from the awning, splashing the floor below them. 

“Take post and I’ll make some coffee.” Indra offered Gustus, and he nodded, clapping her on the shoulder. 

Clarke blinked. “Take post?” She repeated. 

Indra glanced at her. “...Lexa’s orders. You’re to have a detail on you until…”

“Until the dust settles.” Gustus supplied. 

“Lexa’s orders?” Clarke echoed, the name causing a pang in her heart. “What? Was she in touch with you?” 

“Not...recently.” Indra admitted. “But she did leave us express details when it came to your safety, should this sort of situation ever arise-” 

“This sort of situation?” Clarke echoed, her shock causing her voice to rise. “She...She knew this was coming? She planned for this?” 

“Not this.” Gustus rumbled. “She planned for…” 

“In the event that she died.” Indra supplied. “In the event that she died, and you were in danger.” 

“She….She’s  _ not  _ dead.” Clarke ground out. 

_ If prison doesn’t kill her.  _

_ But...she’s….she’s safer there, right?  _

“Clarke.” Gustus warned, his tone inarguable. “Please. Let us do our jobs.” 

Clarke took a deep, sharp breath, and Indra studied her once more. 

“Fine. Until I talk to her, tomorrow. And I  _ will.”  _

Gustus gave a curt nod. He turned to shout something to his team in trigedasleng, and when they replied with an all-clear, he turned to give new orders. 

“You’d better come inside, Clarke.” Indra told her, motioning to the well-lit manor, every inch of it reminding Clarke of Lexa. 

Clarke made the trek all the way to Lexa’s room, dropping her bag on the floor before collapsing into Lexa’s bed. There, the faintest scent of Lexa had Clarke’s muffled sobbing filling the room until she finally fell asleep. The tracks of her tears dried long before she woke. 

* * *

 

When Clarke did wake, it wasn’t to the warmth of Lexa’s body. It wasn’t curled in her arms, slow and lazy, guided by kisses. 

It was cold, in the clothes she’d came home in, her boots still laced. 

Her body ached from the improper posture she’d fallen asleep in. 

A glance at the clock told her she’d only gotten a few hours of rest, and it was the ungodly hour of three in the morning. 

She glanced around the bedroom, finding most of it empty, since their move, save for the sparse furniture Lexa had left for business trips back to D.C. 

Clarke got up from her prone position with a little shiver before heading over to the master closet, silently thanking Lexa for leaving behind a few warm coats behind. Clarke grabbed one, but not before leaning in to take in the scent, sighing deeply. 

She draped it over her shoulders, just as Lexa would have, and then carefully avoided the mirror, not wanting to see the bags under her eyes. 

She slipped out of the room and into the hallway of the opulent manor, eyes fixed on the spot where she and Lexa had confessed their feelings for each other. 

Above her, a portrait of younger Lexa hung, innocent and beautiful. 

Clarke’s fingers grazed the portrait, just as she had the first time, when she couldn’t sleep. 

That night was one of the best of her life. 

Yes, she’d been through hell and back, but being able to finally tell Lexa how she felt, how much she’d fallen for the  _ Commander,  _ it all became clear. 

How she wished she could be with her now. 

But it had all gone to shit. 

And now, she had to find a way to somehow patch up something that was beyond her skills. As a doctor, as Lexa’s love, as all that she was. 

It terrified her beyond belief, and she could only hope that her reliance on Lexa’s most trusted people: Anya, Gustus, Raven...would be enough. 

She made her way down the stairs, surprised to find the lower floor lit. By the door, one of Gustus’ people loomed, watching out the front. 

Clarke didn’t have to check to know that Gustus had his people on the perimeter. 

Clarke felt caged, and worse, endangered. 

Ignoring the sick feeling in her stomach, she kept on her path, passing the kitchen. 

Memories flooded her mind. 

* * *

 

_ “Come on.” Lexa offered a soft hand to Clarke, who used it to rise lazily, still holding it as they made their way downstairs to the empty kitchen. _ __  
__  
_ “I hope you can cook.” Clarke teased, leaning against her. “I went through med school on a ramen noodle diet.” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa watched her amusedly, and Clarke had to wonder if Lexa ever ate anything so low-brow in her charmed existence. “Well…” Lexa sighed, turning as she picked up a shocked Clarke from her waist, setting her down on the granite counter before her. _ __  
__  
_ Clarke let out a little laugh as Lexa stepped between her legs, arms still tight around Clarke’s waist. _ __  
__  
_ “I will take care of everything, then.” Lexa promised in a soft murmur, just ecstatic from hearing Clarke’s laugh, from seeing her smile. _ __  
__  
_ “Lex.” Clarke murmured, abashedly avoiding her gaze. _ __  
__  
_ “Hmm?” Lexa hummed, watching as Clarke laced their fingers together endearingly. _ __  
__  
_ “Can I ask you something?” Clarke asked softly, as if she were actually to say no. _ __  
__  
_ “Always, my love.” Lexa replied with mild concern, eyes trying to find Clarke’s gaze. _ __  
__  
_ “I just…I mean, I know this isn’t really important, but…” Clarke stumbled over her words, and Lexa gave her hand a squeeze, accompanied by a soft smile. _ __  
__  
_ “Clarke.” Lexa’s voice was soft, welcoming, just like her embrace. “It’s alright.” _ __  
__  
_ “What are we?” Clarke blurted out. “Wait, no, sorry- That came out wrong. I mean, are we…dating? Is this exclusive? I know we kind of just confessed our love for each other but you’re…well, you. And Commander Lexa doesn’t seem like she’d want just one-” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa let out an amused chuckle, effectively silencing Clarke in the process. “We didn’t exactly do things in order, did we?” _ __  
__  
_ Clarke felt more comfortable to smile back, then. “No..” she agreed silently. _ __  
__  
_ “Well, Clarke…” Lexa began with a breath. “Might I make it abundantly clear that…I’m so in love with you that it hurts.” Lexa’s words left Clarke with a soft expression and a tender look in her eye. “I…I don’t want to make any assumptions about what you’re comfortable with, or how you feel, but…If it’s anything like I do, I don’t think the words “girlfriend” or “dating” could even begin to cover it.” She murmured, watching Clarke’s eyes finally lift to meet hers with a shocked glance. _ __  
__  
_ Lexa leaned forward and Clarke met her lips in a nearly bruising kiss, her hands finding their way around Lexa’s neck, pulling her closer with a desperate groan. _ __  
__  
_ “So…” Clarke mumbled as she pressed a kiss to Lexa’s jaw. “We’re on the same page, then.” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa nodded, closing her eyes briefly, breathing in the sweet scent of Clarke’s perfume. Leaning forward, she cupped Clarke’s cheeks, tenderly taking her lips into her own, melting into the sweet taste of Clarke. _ __  
__  
_ “Just so we’re clear.” Lexa mumbled, her lips trailing to Clarke’s neck. “Exclusivity was never in question, for me, anyway.” She ran her lips over a tender spot and then bit down ever so gently, eliciting a moan of pleasure from Clarke. She kissed the sore spot gently, murmuring, “I’m not really one for sharing.” _ __  
__  
_ Clarke was about ready to faint. Instead, she dragged Lexa’s chin up, smiling in ecstasy. “I love you, Lexa.” She reminded softly, as if it weren’t the most obvious notion in the world, based on her expression alone. _ __  
__  
_ Lexa couldn’t help the warmth that radiated throughout her body. “I think it’s safe to say you’re the love of my life.” She responded in kind, and the two simply held each other like that for a moment in time, their shared warmth an added bonus. _ __  
__  
_ “Now…” Lexa murmured, taking a step back. “About breakfast.” _ __  
__  
_ Clarke frowned at the momentary loss before smirking. _ __  
__  
_ “What?” Lexa asked, just as amused at her expression. _ __  
__  
_ “Nothing, it’s just…” Clarke began with a smug look. “I get the privilege of seeing domestic Alexandria Woods.” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. “Clarke, first of all, I’ll have you know- no one ever calls me Alexandria.” _ __  
__  
_ “Lover’s privilege?” Clarke grinned. _ __  
__  
_ “I suppose.” Lexa smiled, allowing Clarke to peck her cheek. _ __  
__  
_ “And secondly?” Clarke prompted. _ __  
__  
_ “Secondly…” Lexa straightened up, and Clarke got a good look at her washboard abs, feeling heat flush over her once more. “I’m a soldier. A gangster. A trained killer.” She glanced at Clarke with a feigned air of offense. “I don’t do ‘domestic’.” She paused for a moment, glancing at Clarke’s pout and smiling eyes. “…Until now, I suppose.” She added with a sigh, hiding her smile when Clarke blushed with satisfaction. _ __  
__  
_ Clarke leaned back onto her hands, watching as Lexa reached for a pan, then opened the fridge, making a face at her selections. “I actually didn’t expect company.” She admitted with a look of self-contempt. _ __  
__  
_ “Oh, so getting me in bed was just a coincidence?” Clarke teased, wiggling her brows. _ __  
__  
_ “Yes, actually. I prefer to wine and dine my…company.” Lexa replied airily, teasing right back as she brandished two eggs from the refrigerator. _ __  
__  
_ “Well…what do you normally eat?” Clarke asked curiously. _ __  
__  
_ “A shake, after I work out. A salad for lunch, maybe a light dinner of some sort of protein and vegetables.” Lexa shrugged, reaching for a cutting board. _ __  
__  
_ Clarke made a face. “Aww, I knew your beauty came at a price.” She clicked her tongue. _ __  
__  
_ Lexa just smirked back at her. “I’ll be sure to buy some cookies next time I’m out.” _ __  
__  
_ Clarke’s cheeks reddened as she watched Lexa melt a little slice of butter into the pan. “Oh, so I’m staying here now? That’s some confidence you have there.” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa froze, whipping around. “Oh. No, Clarke, I wasn’t insinuating…It’s just, it’s not safe, and I-” _ __  
__  
_ Clarke laughed a deep, throaty laugh that made Lexa weak at the knees. “Lex, relax, I’m kidding. To be honest, I don’t think I ever want to be away again.” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa’s smile warmed Clarke’s heart as she lost her apologetic face and instead wore one of adoration. “Me too.” She murmured, turning back to her work. _ __  
__  
_ A calm silence fell over the two as Clarke checked her messages, noting that Octavia called her but didn’t leave a message, meaning it wasn’t urgent. Raven was still nowhere to be found. _ __  
__  
_ Clarke watched as Lexa crafted an omelet for her, taking care to present it with a garnish on the plate. _ __  
__  
_ “I met Aden.” Clarke blurted out, watching as Lexa froze, plate in hand. _ __  
__  
_ “Aden?” She asked cautiously, concern in her eyes. “My…neighbor?” _ __  
__  
_ “Your best friend.” Clarke corrected. “He told me so. I thought I had that position locked down. Aside from Anya of course, but…I can’t beat that.” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa smiled for a brief moment. “You do, Clarke.” She answered sweetly, before her face turned to one of confusion. “How…exactly did you meet him? Was he alright?” _ __  
__  
_ “Kicked a soccer ball that almost took my head off.” Clarke replied with a smirk, hopping off the counter to accept her plate from Lexa, rewarding her with a soft kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, this looks amazing…” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa still looked amused, her arms folded over her chest. “You discussed me, didn’t you?” _ __  
__  
_ “Don’t be so egotistical, Ms. Woods.” Clarke replied with a smile, taking them both back to their first day as CEO and employee. _ __  
__  
_ “Dr. Griffin, I know you know something.” Lexa smirked, watching her take a seat at the table. “I happen to be good with…interrogations.” _ __  
__  
_ Clarke smiled after a blissful bite. “Fine. I asked about you.” She shrugged. “Apparently you were quite the hot-shot babysitter.” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa nodded, her smile fading into a memory, leaning back. “That was a long time ago.” _ __  
__  
_ Clarke sighed, glancing up at her. “I want you to be as…free as you were back then.” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa eyed her with sympathy. “That was before I had responsibilities, Clarke.” _ __  
__  
_ “Like the company?” Clarke asked softly. _ __  
__  
_ “Like protecting you.” Lexa responded with conviction. _ __  
__  
_ “I’m safe, Lexa.” Clarke assured with a little smile. “I’m here with you, aren’t I?” _ __  
__  
_ “I almost lost you.” Lexa glanced down. “I’m dangerous, Clarke. What you’ve gotten yourself into…This entire fight…” _ __  
__  
_ “Lexa.” Clarke glanced up at her. “I’m fine. And you’re fine. And things will stay that way, alright? We just need to keep level heads, and think this through.” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa nodded, desperately wanting to believe in the merit of Clarke’s words, the possibility behind them. “I should get back to work.” _ __  
__  
_ Clarke frowned. “You will, and you know I’ll be right there with you. But today, just…relax. Indra and Titus are coming home tonight, right?” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa gave her an affirmative nod, a tiny pout on her lips. _ __  
__  
_ Clarke chuckled. “So let’s just enjoy our last day in relative privacy.” _ __  
__  
_ Lexa laughed at that, giving Clarke a little smile. “I think I’ll be in the gym. Feel free to join me there.” _ __  
__  
_ “Not the kind of exercise I had in mind.” Clarke grumbled, cutting off another bite. _ __  
_  
_ __ Lexa winked at her and turned away, leaving Clarke to shamelessly stare.

* * *

 

Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat. 

Aden. 

She wondered how he was faring, in all of this. 

She knew that Lexa had continued her contact with him, in some way. 

He’d have been devastated to hear his hero, his old friend was behind bars now. 

She couldn’t let that happen. 

She’d get Lexa out and nail that bastard Pike before he smeared her name. 

He had to have a motive. 

Everyone had a motive. 

Clarke brushed past the counter tops, her fingers skimming the surface before she spotted Indra sitting out by door in the yard, tapping a cigarette away into an ash tray. 

Clarke made her way out, and she wasn’t particularly sure why. 

While Indra hadn’t been outright hostile to her, she never really was the welcoming committee, either. 

Clarke assumed it came from a long background of protecting Lexa and being wary of those close to her. 

Clarke wanted to feel indignant, to say,  _ hey, I’m Lexa’s girlfriend. You should trust me.  _

But the memory of Costia was fresh, and Clarke knew to bite her tongue. 

For Lexa’s safety, she could take a few jabs here and there. 

Clarke stepped outside and closed the door behind her, finding Indra glancing up at her. 

“You’re up late.” Indra spoke in a low and even tone, calm and collected. 

“So are you.” Clarke replied, moving to sit in the chair across her. 

“I…” Indra began, taking a drag before exhaling and speaking again. “Am doing my job.” 

“Somehow I doubt Lexa ordered you all to stay up all night.” Clarke replied. 

Indra relented, reaching into her coat pocket. She pulled out a box, tapping it once before offering it to Clarke. 

“I’m a doctor.” Clarke reminded. 

“Then you should know that it’ll help.” 

“I think your logic might be based on opinion.” Clarke replied, reaching for one anyway. 

Indra slid the lighter over, and Clarke took it, fixing the cigarette in her mouth before lighting away at the tip. 

Indra shrugged, then, as if remembering to reply to Clarke’s comment. “You tell me afterwards.” 

Clarke nodded wryly, watching as Indra reached for the ashtray again. 

Clarke noticed her eyes were constantly scanning, and it was amazing to see that she was still vigilant. 

“Indra, can you be honest with me?” Clarke sighed, blowing her smoke in the other direction. 

“Brutally.” Indra replied. 

“Do you expect an attack, or something?” Clarke questioned. “You guys have the place locked down.” 

“We’re reacting.” Indra shrugged. “These murders, the ones you suspected from your friend, Octavia-” 

“She’s...not my friend.” Clarke murmured. 

“Oh?” Indra glanced up at her with a scrutinizing gaze. 

“That...whatever  _ that  _ is, is  _ not  _ Octavia Blake.” Clarke defended. “It’s like she’s possessed.” 

“It’s funny, how you say that as if it's entirely out of the realm of possibility for a  _ Blake  _ to be committing these atrocities. Those bastards have been at it for years. Generations, even.” Indra scoffed. 

Clarke regarded her carefully, taking a drag as a cover to think out her next statement. 

“I thought you saw potential in Octavia? Lexa mentioned once that you even saw her as a possible second.” 

Indra grimaced. “It would seem my judgement is as poor as yours.” 

Clarke smiled wryly. 

She liked that Indra didn’t sugarcoat things. Even if it stung a little. 

“Where were you?” Clarke asked once more. 

“Hmm?” 

“Where were you, when it happened?” Clarke asked curiously. “I mean, you weren’t at Grounder Corp.” 

“I was sent here, to do a sweep before your arrival.” Indra explained. 

“You’re angry because you weren’t there.” 

“Damn straight. I’m even angrier because there probably wasn’t a damn thing I could do if I  _ were  _ there.” 

Clarke nodded, clenching her free fist with frustration. 

Indra put a hand on hers, leaning forward. 

“We can only move forward, Clarke.” She offered. 

“It feels like I’m stuck in place. Useless, while...god knows what they’re plotting.” Clarke sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

Indra leaned back. “Well then, take the helm.” 

Clarke paused, mid yawn, watching as Indra put the stub of her cigarette out with a little flourish of her wrist. 

“What?” 

Clarke thought she was having a stroke, because she  _ swore  _ Indra could have just told her to take the reins on this. 

“You’re yawning.” Indra smirked, rising from her chair. “Looks like it worked, Dr. Griffin.” 

* * *

 

Lexa couldn’t sleep. 

She couldn’t sleep for a multitude of reasons. 

She didn’t know who was dead or alive, for one. She didn’t know if Clarke was alright, and  _ god,  _ she missed Clarke. 

She wanted to fall on her knees and end herself, when she thought about Clarke’s horrified face, watching Lexa get berated like the criminal she was, for all to see. 

Lexa couldn’t sleep because there was a conspiracy against her. 

She couldn’t sleep because she didn’t have Clarke safely in her arms. 

She couldn’t sleep because the last place she thought she’d end up this morning was prison. 

And she couldn’t sleep because her cell mate was an old time Azgeda rival, and had a shiv pressed up to her throat. 

But that was a minor reason. 

Truth be told, Lexa knew. She knew from the moment she was thrown in the cell, with its flimsy bunks, she was in for trouble. 

Of course she was thrown in with Echo. 

Lexa had gotten into a few scuffles with her back on the streets, but this was unexplored territory. 

Echo knew the ropes, and Echo had friends in the prison. 

Hell, Ontari had probably bribed the guards. 

Lexa was alone, truly alone, for the first time in a while. 

And she needed to use all of her instincts to survive. 

One of which was playing a lot weaker than she was, if she wanted information. 

So the moment Lexa had been dumped in that cell, and seen Echo’s face, with its telltale Azgeda scars, she knew she had to pretend to fall asleep. 

Echo hadn’t said a word to her, simply ignoring her presence and climbing into the top bunk. 

Lexa knew that, after a few hours’ time, she’d be checking on her breathing, and eventually, coming down to enact whatever Ontari’s vile plan was. 

Lexa  _ also  _ knew she couldn’t do anything rash, or she’d look extremely guilty, and any chance of her  _ expedited release  _ would be thwarted. 

So, she had to tread carefully. 

And of course, she was right. 

She “woke up” to the sudden movement of Echo practically straddling her, pinning her wrists to the mattress (if it could even be called that). 

Lexa played her part well, in her opinion. 

She thrashed and flailed, and then settled for spitting out, “What do you want?!” It was a quiet, calculated hiss, so as not to alert anyone. 

Especially not with the plan she had. 

Echo’s smirk was a little annoying, granted, but Lexa knew it was going to be wiped right off, in just a moment’s time. 

After she got what she was waiting for. 

“Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you right now.” Echo growled.

Lexa glared. “You were sloppy enough to land yourself in here, and now you want to double your sentence?” 

Echo paused for just a second before regaining her composure. 

“Who’s running you now?” Lexa demanded. 

“I don’t answer to  _ Trikru  _ filth.” 

Lexa gritted her teeth. “Answers, Echo. Ontari didn’t seem all that happy to see me. Why is she in here?” 

Echo didn’t answer again, and Lexa felt it was time. 

She leaned forward, slamming her forehead into Echo’s nose, hearing the snap with a satisfied little smirk as she rolled her off the bed, hearing her land on the floor with a dull thud. 

Lexa yanked the shiv from where it fell on the bed, watching Echo writhe as the blood began to flow. 

“Sorry.” Lexa whispered unsincerely. “Didn’t want all that blood on my new bed.” 

She leaned down, watching as Echo cussed and hissed, struggling not to yelp and scream in pain. 

She knew Azgeda training was tough, but this was impressive. 

“What do you know?” Lexa demanded, crouching to her level. When Echo swung, she leaned back lazily, her hand shooting forward, pressing down on the broken bone gently, causing Echo’s hands to shoot back to clutch her nose. 

“Here.” Lexa reached for the flimsy roll of toilet paper, tossing it at her. “It’s single ply, so you might want to double up.” 

She watched as Echo desperately tried to make the bleeding yield. 

Lexa tsked. “Such a pretty face, too.” 

“You’re…” Echo wheezed, “you’re a piece of shit, Woods. You belong here.” 

That struck a chord with Lexa. 

Lexa’s face hardened, as if that hadn’t been the question of her inner monologue all day and night. 

“I didn’t start this.” Lexa growled, looking lethal. “I didn’t shoot up the kids and carve fucking gang symbols into their heads. I didn’t raise a finger against anyone. Now I don’t know what the  _ fuck  _ is going on, but rest assured, if I have to be  _ heda _ to put a stop to it, I will. Now, you’re going to start making sense.” Lexa flashed the shiv, looking entirely too calm and collected. 

“Roan.” Echo wheezed, her hand up in a pitiful defense. “It’s Roan.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed that! Some news:
> 
> My tumblr has been DELETED, and replaced. I am now at effortlesslyopulent (it was previously effortlessly-opulent), clexa-hsau, clexa-fdau respectively!
> 
> I built a working library of everything I've written so far! It's all for free, just a place to organize and read through my works! Thats at: https://sites.google.com/view/effortlesslyopulent/libraryhome
> 
> LASTLY: I have a really exciting new series coming up, as well as some mini series in the canon-verse and so on. Stay tuned, and I'll see you soon for the next chapter! 
> 
> (IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN BEING MY CO AUTHOR OR SUBMITTING STORY IDEAS- PLEASE VISIT MY TUMBLR AND I WILL PROVIDE LINKS FOR BOTH)


	5. Of Prison and Proposals

_“Clarke.” Lexa’s voice was hardened, iced. Her forested gaze was narrowed, her muscles tensed, her jaw tightened. “Focus.”_

_The way her feet danced around the mat, her eyes analyzing her partner’s moves every millisecond._

_She was lethal, graceful. A panther, stalking prey._

_Toying with it._

_Clarke struck and Lexa caught it, shaking her head._

_Clarke gasped, and then scowled in frustration._

_“Wrong.” Lexa admonished._

_Clarke growled, tearing her fist free. She squared her shoulders, her chest heaving._

_Hours of this, and she hadn’t come close._

_Not once._

_She eyed Lexa fiercely, faking a jab with her left, and then swinging with her right, Lexa lazily sidestepping the punch._

_Lexa hid a smirk, but Clarke knew her features all too well._

_“Fuck you.” She grumbled._

_Lexa’s smirk broke loose._

_“Anger does little for one’s stature in a fight, Clarke.”_

_“I thought anger was perfectly good motivation.” Clarke spat back, clearly frustrated beyond belief._

_“It clouds the mind.” Lexa explained. “All you’re doing, when you fight, is making a series of choices, in a fraction of the time you’d normally take. What does anger do to your decision making, doctor?”_

_Clarke swung again, and Lexa ducked gracefully._

_She folded her arms behind her back, and Clarke quirked a brow._

_“Seriously?” Clarke scoffed._

_Lexa nodded. “Attack.” She commanded._

_Clarke rolled her eyes. “You’re full of shit.”_

_“Please. I insist.” Lexa pestered._

_Clarke sighed, readying up once more._

_“Advance, Clarke. Remember your footwork.” Lexa instructed._

_Clarke nodded._

_She pressed forward with whatever energy she had left._

_She tried, so goddamn hard, to focus her energy into smart decisions._

_She read Lexa’s stance, and swung._

_Again and again, she fired off punches._

_Lexa barely had to exert any effort to dodge, side step, and duck under every single one._

_Clarke thought she had her._

_Lexa was assuming, and Clarke knew._

_She took a breath, planted her foot down, and shot up with a kick, aimed squarely for Lexa’s gut._

_She readied herself for impact, for the sweet sense of victory. She readied herself to hide a smirk and help Lexa off the ground._

_Instead, she was met with nothing but air, and a smirking teacher, having caught her leg mid strike._

_Clarke let out a snarl of frustration and lunged at Lexa, unsurprised when Lexa’s arms found their way around her, barring any further movement._

_Clarke’s heart was hammering for an entirely different reason, now._

_She tried, halfheartedly, to get loose._

_Instead, she found Lexa’s fingers curling at the waistband of her pants, tugging her closer._

_Clarke felt hot kisses along her neck, and she groaned._

_“You’re getting better.” Lexa purred, and Clarke nearly melted at the sound._

_“I suck.” Clarke protested, looping her arms around Lexa’s neck._

_“You’re holding back.” Lexa informed her, marking Clarke’s neck with a not-so-subtle hickey._

_“I’m not!” Clarke huffed._

_“You are. You can’t see it, but I can. You pull back, last second.” Lexa murmured against her skin._

_Clarke hated the sinking feeling in her gut._

_Lexa was right._

_“Perhaps I’m not the right partner for you.” Lexa whispered, her fingers sliding down into the front of Clarke’s pants._

_Clarke shivered, bucking her hips slightly._

_“I think you’re the only partner for me.” Clarke groaned, feeling Lexa chuckle against her, the vibration putting her on edge._

_“I meant for sparring.” Lexa corrected._

_“Fuck, Lexa.” Clarke through her head back. “I was waiting for this.”_

_Lexa laughed further at her admission. “Is that why you were distracted?”_

_Clarke nudged her. “Something about you like this…” Clarke trailed off._

_Lexa’s eyes darkened slightly, but she nodded, urging Clarke to continue._

_“I….” Clarke breathing became labored as Lexa kneeled before her, lifting her shirt to kiss at her navel, her fingers squeezing soft curves._

_“There’s no shame in being soft.” Lexa reminded sagely, and Clarke could feel pure affection radiating from her._

_“You’re...not….soft…” Clarke gasped softly. “When you fight.”_

_Lexa paused, thoughtful. “I can’t be.”_

_“Neither can I, then.”_

_“Clarke.” Lexa sighed, running a hand through her hair._

_“You don’t want me fighting.” Clarke sighed._

_Lexa glanced up at her, worry in her eyes. “No.” She bit down. “I don’t. Ever.”_

_“That’s not a reality we live in, Lexa. Something could happen, and-”_

_Lexa looked downcast, and Clarke realized she’d struck a nerve._

_“Lexa.” Clarke knelt, cupping her cheeks._

_Lexa leaned into the touch, and Clarke felt a pang in her heart. She was the only one who could ever be this close to the commander, to feel her, to see who she truly was._

_A girl hardened by life, aching to be free of it._

_“Clarke.” Lexa whispered. “I….”_

_“Don’t. Don’t you dare apologize.” Clarke pressed. “We chose this life together, Lexa. And come what may, we are going to endure. I’m ready.”_

_Lexa took a long gaze into blue eyes, settling for the only answer she could find._

_“I love you, Clarke.”_

_So soft, so fragile._

_Clarke couldn’t help it. She leaned forward, pulling Lexa into a kiss, guiding her back to warmth, to safety, to peace of mind._

_“I’m here, Lexa. I love you, too. And I’m always going to be here for you. That’s why I’m doing this. We’re going to make it.”_

* * *

 

“I want a perimeter set up.” Anya’s voice echoed in the front courtyard of Lexa’s estate, where two cars were already lined up to take Clarke and Kane to see Lexa.

Even the overcast weather, the on and off showers, couldn’t deter Clarke’s heart from thrumming wildly. She’d only managed so many hours of sleep, before she’d hastily showered, throwing on a coat and jeans before racing downstairs.

She’d found Indra, a cup of coffee slid across the counter for her, and a grunt that sounded vaguely like, “Two hours.”

She was going to see Lexa.

She was going to hold her, to reassure her, to promise that she could solve everything.

Last night, with Indra, Clarke had come to the realization that she had no other choice.

For so long, Lexa had taken care of her, kept her from harm’s way, while Clarke watched on silently.

But now?

The time for spectating was over.

Clarke was reminded of her old world view, before she and Lexa had become close. She had always seen Lexa’s world like a game of chess. As a pawn, she’d been throttled, tossed from side to side, never able to take initiative, to move of her own volition.

But those days were gone, and if necessary, Clarke was ready to shed her old self.

Whatever it took to give Lexa the life she craved, the one she deserved.

It was with these sort of self-motivating (or destructive) mantras, that she awaited the escort vehicles. She wasn’t at all surprised to find Anya, out with Gustus, bright and early.

Discussing a security detail, as if Clarke were royalty.

God, she fucking wished.

“I’ll go in.” Gustus affirmed, his eyes tired.

Anya shook her head, a hand on her shoulder. “No, Gustus. Get some rest, for when Clarke returns to the estate. I’ll head this one up.”

Gustus paused for a moment, eyes looking grave. “Be careful. This is uncharted territory, for us all.”

Anya nodded dutifully. “I will.”

“You’re coming?” Clarke piped up, the heads turning to her.

Anya regarded Clarke with a somewhat pitiful stare. “I am.” She confirmed.

“I...I thought only one of us could go in.” Clarke countered, her heart in pain at the mere thought of not seeing Lexa.

“We’ll see.” Anya grunted.

Clarke bit her lip.

She decided that right then and there wouldn’t be the appropriate time and place to challenge it, but she held onto the bright rage that burned within her.

“When do we leave?” Clarke tried, jamming her cold hands into her coat pocket.

“Now.” Anya replied, with a glance at her watch. She turned to Clarke with a sigh.

“Griffin-”

“It’s back to Griffin, now?” Clarke challenged.

Anya looked remorseful. “Clarke.” She amended. “I...don’t know what’s in store for us. It’s important that you stay close, and-”

“I know.” Clarke interrupted somberly. “I know.”

Anya gave a curt nod, and then turned to the driver, signaling their status.

Clarke sighed, feeling yet another pang in her chest.

She missed Lincoln.

* * *

 

Clarke, Anya, and Kane were escorted into a separate side of the facility, unlike the usual visitor’s area. Clarke had no expectations of what sort of strings Kane could pull, but she was starting to get an idea.

The prison was nothing short of terrifying. Grey, drab, lifeless on the outside. White washed hallways on the interior, that reminded Clarke of the hospital, in some ways.

But god, Lexa was within those towering walls, and somehow, that made the building infinitely less terrifying.

Clarke knew that the cars that dropped them off were under the keen eye of the guards, so there’d be no special breakout, as she’d dreamt up.

She felt a little deflated.

She knew it’d been childish, and she’d watched far too many movies for her own good, but for some reason, she couldn’t shake the idea that she’d walk out of here, hand in hand with Lexa.

She was so embroiled in her own thoughts, she barely noticed the guard leading her to a room, locked, shutters not allowing a look inside.

Her heart was close to falling out of her chest with the sheer excitement.

She could just _feel_ Lexa’s presence on the other side.

Before she could sate her need to see her love, the guard stopped short, turning to them.

“One.” He grunted.

They all paused, looking affronted.

Kane and Clarke exchanged glances, Clarke’s features practically begging.

“One….I….” Kane stammered. “That wasn’t the deal.”

The guard looked around cautiously, and then lowered his head, mumbling. “One at a time. You have two hours till my shift is hour. Make this shit count.”

Kane nodded hurriedly. He glanced at Clarke, sensing her desperation. Before he could say something, he paused. Then, he gathered his thoughts.

“Let her decide.” He announced, straightening his tie. The guard opened the door for him, and he poked his head inside.

Clarke was dying, unable to see, not wanting to crowd.

Kane mumbled the names of those present, and then, Clarke nearly squealed in joy.

Anya kept quiet, glancing away.

“Clarke.” Lexa’s voice sounded, smooth as ever, and Kane nodded, looking back with a small smile. “Take your time.” He offered quietly, and Clarke stepped in. The guard grunted something, and shut the door behind them.

Clarke was shaking, taking in Lexa, sitting behind a small table. She looked tired, but instantly rejuvenated upon seeing Clarke. She was shackled to the table, though she still shot up out of her seat when Clarke darted for her, the two drawn to each other like nothing else.

“Lexa.” Clarke whispered as she slammed into Lexa’s arms, hugging so tightly she thought her circulation might cut off.

Before she knew it, she was cupping Lexa’s cheeks, kissing her almost savagely, as if she needed it like she needed air to breathe.

Lexa was breathing hard, eyes searching Clarke’s, like a lost ship finally finding shore.

And that’s what Clarke was, to her.

Her lighthouse, her beacon of good, of strength, in this tumultuous sea of misfortune, and suffering.

“Clarke.” Lexa choked on the word, into Clarke’s lips.

Clarke panted, leaning back only slightly, frowning heavily at the bruise on Lexa’s cheek.

“What-”

“Azgeda.” Lexa whispered, unwilling to let Clarke go.

“Here?” Clarke demanded.

“In the prison, yes.”

“Who?” Clarke gasped, even though she likely wouldn’t know the answer.

“Ontari-”

“Ontari?” Clarke bristled at the name, remembering the way she tried to take Lexa away, at Nia’s orders. “She’s harmless, isn’t she? I didn’t know she could fight like Roan-”

“She’s changed. They’re out for blood.” Lexa mused.

Clarke’s lip trembled, as she tried to kiss the bruise away, suddenly feeling terribly useless, the futility of her position in the outside world weighing down on her.

Lexa nodded. “Breathe, Clarke. I’m here.”

“Fuck.” Clarke whispered, tears threatening to overtake her. “Fuck, fuck-”

“Shhh.” Lexa soothed, wrapping Clarke in her arms, as best she could. “It’s alright, love.”

Clarke clung to her, unable to let go, as if Lexa might fade away, if she did.

“Are you alright? Is everyone okay?” Lexa demanded, stroking her hair with her free arm.

“I...Ryder.” Clarke whispered. “It was Ryder.”

Clarke felt Lexa sigh deeply.

“I...I’m sorry.” Lexa murmured.

Clarke scoffed. “Lex, this isn’t-”

“It _is_ my fault, Clarke. You shouldn’t be here. I want you on the next flight home, do you hear me? Far away from this-”

“Shut up.” Clarke growled, clutching her tightly. “Shut up. We’re going to fix this, Lexa. I’m going to save you.”

“No.” Lexa leaned back, eyeing Clarke fiercely. “You will _not-”_

“I fucking will.” Clarke spat. “You don’t get to do this.”

Lexa took a shuddering breath. “I…” She whimpered, suddenly soft, broken, and Clarke’s heart shattered. “I _cannot_ lose you.” She begged, tears pooling in her eyes.

Clarke let out her own sob, clutching Lexa’s face. “I’m here, Lexa. I’m not going anywhere. You...I….we need to get it together, okay? We’re in this together.”

Lexa paused, collecting herself, as Clarke kissed her tears away.

God, she loved this woman more than words could ever express.

“I’m going to go.” Clarke whispered, watching Lexa’s expression crack, momentarily. “I’ll wait until Kane and Anya speak with you, and then I’ll be back, okay? I want to make sure you’re being taken care of.” Clarke promised, kissing her once more, chastely.

Lexa nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat as Clarke pulled back.

“I’ll be right outside.” Clarke promised, edging back towards the door.

* * *

 

“Lexa, I-” Anya was barely through the door before she was apologizing, her head bowed at Lexa.

Lexa shook her head, putting her hand on Anya’s shoulder when she got close enough.

“Anya, please.” Lexa spoke firmly, reassuringly. “Sit, please.”

Anya nodded, knowing their time was short.

“Did your talks with Kane help?” Anya asked carefully, not wanting to overstep, even in this dire of a situation.

“Yes.” Lexa sighed, running a hand through her hair. “He expects to win a trial, but I think I can bypass this, with the right contacts.”

“Who?” Anya demanded, a little too excitedly.

Lexa bit her lip. “I...I’ll talk to Clarke about it.” She sighed. “I...have a different task, for you.”

She didn’t miss the flash of betrayal in Anya’s eyes. She found her eyes, trying to convey as much genuine emotion as she could to her second in command.

“Anya, I need you to watch over everyone else.” Lexa pleaded. “The others. Our people.”

“Lexa, saving you is my first priority-”

“And Clarke’s.” Lexa sighed. “And I think she’s ready, Anya. I just...I want you to watch over her. She hasn’t known pain like...what we’ve seen. And I hope she never does, Anya.”

Anya scowled. “You’d have me play babysitter to your girlfriend instead of-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” Lexa growled.

Anya was taken aback, literally leaning back in her seat, as if flinching from a blow.

There was an awkward silence that followed, and Lexa once again felt the heavy duty upon her shoulders to dispel it.

“I-” Anya stopped. “I apologize, _Heda,_ I-”

“I know.” Lexa glanced at her in understanding. “Believe me, Anya. I know. But you need to trust me.”

“Of course I do.” Anya sounded fiercely protective.

“Then please, focus on the safety of everyone. I can’t lose anyone else, Anya…” Lexa sounded grim. “Ryder was one too many.”

“He always admired you.” Anya reminisced.

“Why him?” Lexa pressed, sounding suddenly hurt. “Who the fuck is Pike?”

“D.E.A. rising star.” Anya supplied.

“Then why the arrest over Nia’s murder?” Lexa sounded incredulous. “Clarke told you Azgeda has people in here?”

“She mentioned it, yes.”

“A little...conversation...with Echo tells me that Roan’s somehow involved. Then what of Octavia? This is just spiraling, Anya.” Lexa’s brows were knit in deep thought.

“We can navigate this. We just need some information.”

Lexa looked concerned, and Anya caught on.

“What is it, Lexa?”

“I don’t want to ask you to do this.”

“To do what?” Anya pressed. “Lexa, it’s okay. I’ve done everything you’ve asked, and-”

“I won’t lose you over this.” Lexa cut her off, meeting her gaze.

Anya softened, a rare moment for the woman, as she tried to console her broken leader.

“Lexa. Whatever it is...we can overcome it. You’ve never doubted us before. What’s changed?”

“What’s changed?” Lexa echoed gravely. “What’s changed is that you have Raven, and I have Clarke, and suddenly, people are dying and I’m not in control of it!”

Anya didn’t flinch, bowing her head respectfully.

“I can’t ask this of you.”

“Ask anyway.”

“I want you to shadow Pike.”

Anya nodded, blowing a breath.

“And I want you to be careful, Anya. I don’t know who he is, but I know he has the upper hand, as of now.”

Anya listened intently. “And that’s why you’re leaving Clarke in charge?”

Lexa sighed. Of course, her second was unwilling to accept it. If nothing else, it was certainly a blow to her ego.

“Anya.”

“Lexa, you trained me to-”

“To do exactly as I would have. Yes, I know.” Lexa conceded. “And Anya, I have no doubts about your capabilities. But this is how we’ve ended here. Blood must have blood. Violence as an answer to violence. Vengeance instead of healing. That can’t be our way anymore.”

Anya grimaced. “Now is not the time to change course, Lexa.”

Lexa looked indifferent to her words.

“Anya, we got here because of our utter disregard for life. For humanity. Clarke has that. Clarke strives to preserve life, not to end those that threaten hers. The decision has been made. Even if she doesn’t fully know it yet.”

“And the danger you’re putting her in?”

Lexa’s heart was in tatters. “She knows what she’s signed up for, Anya.”

* * *

 

“I...do you want to sit?” Lexa whispered, finally.

Clarke let out a little laugh, dusting Lexa’s cheek with little kisses.

“I will, in a minute. I just...I need to feel close to you.” Clarke confessed.

Lexa gave her an understanding smile, and Clarke melted all over again.

“Okay.” Clarke sighed, leaning back.

“Is that my coat?” Lexa quipped softly, watching Clarke sit.

“I’m staying at the estate. And...it smelled like you.” She whispered back.

Lexa’s jaw twitched, as Clarke’s knees slid between hers under the table.

They needed the closeness, the comfort.

“What’s going on in here?” Clarke questioned, squeezing Lexa’s fingers over the table, bringing them to her lips softly, kissing her knuckles.

Lexa gasped softly. “I...I think Roan is somehow involved. A lot more Azgeda in here than I thought. I’m not sure how this relates to Pike.”

Clarke nodded. “We were...waiting on orders from you. What do we _do,_ Lexa? How do we get you out?”

Lexa looked lost in thought.

“Octavia, Roan, Pike...none of it makes sense. What happened while we were gone, Lex?”

Lexa sighed. “I don’t know. It kills me that I don’t know, Clarke.”

“I know.” Clarke whispered solemnly.

Lexa leaned forward, glancing with narrowed eyes at the door.

“I’m going to tell you something.”

“Anything.” Clarke pleaded.

Lexa squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t want to do this to you, Clarke. But I...There’s no one I trust more.”

Clarke listened intently.

“I know someone who...Who could help get me out. Pull some strings.”

“More than Kane?” Clarke gasped, excitement coloring her tone.

“Yes.” Lexa nodded, face grim, noticing the way Clarke’s hope shone through her eyes.

“Lexa, who-”

“An information broker.” Lexa whispered. “Her name is Luna. She’s part of a gang that...they don’t...they aren’t active, anymore. Not physically, anyway.”

Clarke nodded. “Okay, Lex. What do you need me to do? Where can I find her?”

Lexa looked regretful. “Clarke. Wait. She’s dangerous. You can’t rush into-”

“Lexa.” Clarke cut her off, firm as ever.

Lexa’s eyes searched hers, and found the same fire that captivated her into falling in love in the first place.

“I’m ready.” Clarke pressed. “You trained me for this.”

Lexa sighed. “I-”

“Don’t fight me.” Clarke challenged.

At that, Lexa let out a little amused snort of a laugh.

“Do you trust me?” Clarke asked, gentle.

Lexa leaned forward, pressing her forehead to Clarke’s. “I do, _love.”_

Clarke smiled a little, leaning in to capture Lexa’s lips in a kiss. “Then let me help you.”

Lexa nodded, closing her eyes, missing the way Clarke felt in her arms, under the tips of her fingers.

“I have something for you.” Clarke drawled softly, reaching into her coat pocket.

Lexa blinked, watching as Clarke brandished a switchblade.

Lexa cocked a brow. “How did you-”

“Take it.” Clarke slid it across the table. “Take it, and Lex, swear to me you’ll end anyone who tries to put you, or our future that we planned together, in danger.”

Lexa took the blade, brows furrowed. “I will.” She watched Clarke, movements slow.

“And what about you, Clarke?” Lexa questioned, rolling Clarke’s name off her tongue. “Will you do the same?”

Clarke nodded, and Lexa pressed in, seizing the opportunity, Clarke’s full attention on her.

“Clarke. I never wanted this for you, but…” Lexa rubbed her temples. “Times have changed.”

Clarke listened attentively, their fingers once again laced together over the tabletop.

“You know where I keep my guns, at the estate?” Lexa asked quietly, as if the mention of firearms itself was taboo. Granted, she was in prison, and it wasn’t wise to go about, shouting at the tops of her lungs about how many illegal possessions she had hidden away.

Clarke blinked. “I think so.”

Lexa’s eyes looked grim and apologetic all at once.

Such expressive virid forests.

“Take them, Clarke. Two on you at all times. You remember how to shoot. Don’t you?”

* * *

 

_The firing range was a stark contrast to the rest of their home life. Where the lake house was quiet, unassuming, peaceful and beautiful, this place was decidedly….not._

_It was loud, and Clarke had to keep from flinching every time someone fired a round._

_If Clarke hadn’t been so distracted, she’d have noticed Lexa bribing everyone else to take a lofty hour break, just for her comfort._

_But she’d stopped flinching, thankful for the sudden silence on the indoor range. She motioned to her earmuffs, and Lexa gave her a wink, a sure sign that she could remove them._

_“Don’t be so excited.” Clarke scolded playfully. “You taught me back in D.C., you know. I’m a sharpshooter now. So if you’re expecting me to miss terribly, it’s safe to say you’ll be very disappointed.”_

_Lexa rolled her eyes, setting everything down on the ledge before them._

_“I don’t get excited at the prospect of your failure, Clarke.”_

_“Funny. You used to.”_

_Lexa turned to glare at Clarke and received a kiss on the corner of her mouth that instantly changed her expression._

_“Just kidding. I did actually expect you to be grim and serious about this. Are you going to give me a lecture on how the ‘guns don’t kill people, people kill people’ spiel?”_

_Lexa glanced skyward, an amused little smile on her lips._

_“I am not.” She decided, licking her lips. “That’s an odd saying. People kill people with guns. Isn’t that the point?”_

_“Aw, look at you. A little liberal in training.” Clarke pinched her cheek, and if she’d been anyone else, pinching Alexandria Woods’ cheek while she had a loaded gun in front of her, would’ve had her killed._

_But she wasn’t anyone else._

_“I don’t care for politics. I grew up in D.C.” Lexa snorted. “Nothing rips away the veil of patriotism like handing a senator a dimebag of cocaine on his birthday.”_

_Clarke’s brows shot up. “Which one?” She gasped._

_Lexa smirked. “Confidential, Clarke.”_

_“Hey!” Clarke whined. “No secrets from me.”_

_“Senator Johnson.”_

_“That snake!”_

_“A modicum of focus, Clarke.”_

_“Okay. Right. What am I shooting?”_

_“A glock.”_

_“What?”_

_“Don’t ask for more than you can handle.” Lexa warned._

_“Fine.”_

_Clarke took a breath._

_When all was said and done, and Lexa held up the cutout for her to see, she was wearing a proud little smirk._

_Every shot in the chest area, with one outlier, off to the shoulder._

_“What happened there?” Lexa mused._

_“I...may have stared at your arm for a little too long.”_

_Lexa laughed._

_Clarke turned, stepping away from the booth, feeling Lexa’s arms around her waist._

_She was thankful that her earmuffs were off, to hear the soft whispers from Lexa’s lips, grazing her ear._

_“You’re suddenly a little upset. Was it that one shot? You did exceptionally well.”_

_Clarke huffed a little laugh, leaning back into Lexa’s embrace. “No. It’s you.”_

_She could feel Lexa’s frown, and decided to elaborate. “I mean, I know you hate how lax I’m being about all of this. You know I want to be a part of your world, Lex. Whatever the stakes.”_

_“I hate that this is my world.” Lexa said simply. “And I don’t ever want it to become yours.”_

_Clarke turned to her, cupping her cheeks._

_Lexa’s breath hitched._

_“You are my world.” Clarke whispered, unable to resist placing a little kiss on Lexa’s parted lips. “And I will learn whatever I have to, to keep it that way. It’s for my own good, because you’re not getting rid of me. Okay?”_

_Lexa’s answer was another kiss, pulling Clarke tighter to her._

 

* * *

 

Clarke nodded slowly, swallowing the lump in her throat, as she felt a familiar weight in her coat pocket.

“Come here.” Clarke whispered, rising from her seat.

Lexa did the best she could, mirroring Clarke’s actions. She looked at her with a curious face, as Clarke cupped her cheeks.

The gang leader, the warlord, rendered breathless and weak by her love’s simple touch of affection.

It was almost cliche.

Clarke was staring intently at her, eyes searching Lexa’s as she rubbed her thumb against her cheek.

“Listen to me.” Clarke breathed, and Lexa nodded, almost imperceptibly. “Are you listening, Lex?”

Lexa nodded, kissing Clarke’s palm in response.

“I’m so sure that you and I will have it all.” Clarke promised softly. The harsh lighting, the drab interiors, the fact that they were being monitored outside, nothing could take away from this moment. “You know, when I spent last night without you, I was in shock. I...I thought, for a little while...I thought I lost it. Our future. Everything seemed so bleak, and out of reach…”

“I’m always with you.” Lexa reminded.

“I know.” Clarke pledged. “And I _know_ this isn’t the way you’d want this. But Lexa, this is the best way I can think of to give you hope.”

She knelt in front of her love, taking Lexa’s hands in hers.

Lexa was staring at her, jaw slack.

“Alexandria.” Clarke started, both their eyes already clouding with the familiar haze of tears. “You’re my everything. We deserve better. And I swear, Lexa, we’re going to get it. I’m going to use what you taught me. I’m going to get you out. And we’re going to survive. You and I have gotten too far. You know what you told me? You said our story ends differently, and I refuse to believe that it ends like this…” Clarke took a shuddering breath, and then let out a melancholic sort of laugh. “You know, I was...actually planning on doing this on some grand vacation, watching the sunset and then the stars, a little wine…” Clarke drawled, humor in her gaze. “But it’s you. You’re what’s important. You’re _all_ that’s important.” Clarke swore. “And I’m sorry this isn’t the ring I imagined, or the time, or the place, but-”

“Clarke…” Lexa shook her head, lip trembling, “I-”

“I love you.” Clarke finished, fishing the ring from her pocket. It was simple, a little wooden ring with the elegance of a bare, handmaid design. Lexa didn’t bother to wonder where it came from. It didn’t matter. The gesture was beyond anything she’d ever experienced. Clarke knew better than to make her _now fiancee_ a walking target with anything more, confined in the vicious walls of the prison. Instead, Clarke chuckled, kissing Lexa’s shaking hand. “Your real ring is waiting at home.”

Lexa laughed softly, tears filling her eyes as Clarke slid it on.

“So is yours, my love.”

Clarke froze, and Lexa smiled, helping her up.

The two threw their arms around each other, squeezing tightly.

“You...you were going to-” Clarke choked on her words.

Lexa kissed her head. “I still am. Once all of this is over.”

“Once?” Clarke asked wryly. “Not _if?”_

“Well.” Lexa sighed, their foreheads pressed together, unbelievably close. “Your plan worked, Clarke. I have hope.”

* * *

 

 _Take Gustus with you, Clarke_.

Lexa’s words echoed inside her fiancee’s mind as she strapped the pistol into the concealed holster.

The comfort it gave her was a little like Lexa herself.

The protection, the safety of it being within reach, coupled with the fear of the damage it could do to everything around it. It felt cumbersome at her side, unwieldy, though that was mostly her conscience.

She ignored the sensation, and tried to think only of Lexa’s arms around her instead, Lexa’s lips kissing her cheek.

Lexa would’ve killed her if she found out Clarke’s little scheme.

But of course, Lexa was none the wiser, and Clarke knew it was time to take the reins.

She didn’t expect it to be easy, of course.

She was almost immediately stopped by Anya at the front door of the estate, just coming in from the rain.

“Where are you going, Griffin?” Anya asked, lips pursed.

“To see my mother.” Clarke lied, heaving a sigh.

Anya made a face, and then thought better of it. “I’ll ready a car.” She grunted, turning to leave.

Clarke grabbed her wrist, and she could feel the muscles tense in Anya’s arm. Though, she exercised the same kind of mercy that Lexa did, and held back.

“Anya.” Clarke looked straight into her eyes. “It’s okay. I know. You don’t want to babysit your boss’ _plaything_ -”

Anya flinched. “I never called you that, Clarke.”

Clarke lightened up. “I know. But I assume-”

“Don’t.” Anya retorted. “I have a great deal of respect for you, and your relationship with Lexa, Dr. Griffin.”

“You won’t call me by my name.”

Anya sighed. “Clarke. Forgive me. It’s difficult for me to maintain an air of neutrality. I am Lexa’s second, I’ve trained for years, and-”

“I know. She’s handing the reins over to me. And that bothers you.” Clarke replied softly. “I’m sorry.”

“A leader doesn’t apologize.”

“I’m not a leader, Anya.”

“You’re going to need to be, if you want everyone out of this alive, Clarke. That’s what I’m saying.”

Clarke gave a silent, curt nod, and then turned away.

“Gustus is taking me already. Don’t worry.”

Anya nodded, glancing away, and then back at Clarke suddenly.

“I...apologize, Clarke. I’m...here for you, if you need it.”

Clarke felt a stab of guilt in her chest, and then nodded, mumbling a quick “thanks” as she slipped out the door.

She’d abused Anya’s outburst earlier, distracting her with guilt.

Gustus wasn’t even present, at the estate, as he’d taken his shift off to tend to the others at the company.

Already, Clarke was learning what she was capable of.

And she didn’t like it.


End file.
